


Fault

by bandgrad2008



Category: iCarly
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:27:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 37,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27650648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bandgrad2008/pseuds/bandgrad2008
Summary: Did they lie to protect her or to save a friendship between two best friends?
Relationships: Sam Puckett/Carly Shay
Comments: 2
Kudos: 17





	1. Welcome Home

**Author's Note:**

> This story is completed and will have 17 chapters, but I'll be posting one chapter per day. 
> 
> I would absolutely appreciate if y'all would review.

I take a deep breath and climb out of the back of the cab, pack thrown over one shoulder. The towering building has a small lobby, the same dull paint on the walls and the same psycho for a doorman, who's watching me like he's never seen me before. He hasn't, at least not like this. I ignore his attempts of scaring me away and climb the stairs to the eighth floor, pausing on each landing before continuing. Six years have me nervous, even though I'm shrugging it off like it's nothing. I need to face the hell that's going to break loose no matter what.

I reach the eighth floor and make my way to the familiar door that I had broken into so many times. This isn't going to be the same thing. I'm not even sure what I'm expecting when I knock on the door, adjusting the pack on my shoulder. Ten minutes pass before I knock again. _Maybe no one lives here anymore,_ I think to myself, frowning. I hear a throat clear behind me and turn to face the host.

Leaning against the opposite doorjamb across the hall was a tall brunette boy, no _man,_ his arms crossed. I take in his appearance, the slight hint of facial hair above his lip and along his jaw, his striped polo and ripped jeans, and the barely visible pink scars randomly placed on his arms. He nods at the door behind me. "Are you looking for the Shays?" he asks, a trace of annoyance in his voice, as if he had been interrupted. I tilt my head, suddenly curious to know what his problem is. "They aren't expected back from vacation for another hour or so," he informs me.

"Thank you," I murmur, and he shrugs. Does he even recognize me? Six years changes a person, both inside and out, and if anything, it's made me tougher than I was before. I have to admit, I'm scared to know that both Shays are here. I would have guessed that one of them had moved out over time, but if the Bensons still live across the hall then neither Shay would have left.

We watch each other in silence, daring the other to move first, and Benson finally shifts, glancing over his shoulder. "Are you okay waiting out here for them?" he inquires. His eyes meet mine and for a split second something flickers in his before he looks away. "I have to get back to something, otherwise I'd keep you company." I lean against the wall next to the Shays' door and force a tight smile. His smile is weak as he turns and disappears into his own apartment, closing the door behind him.

I'm such an idiot sometimes. I should have asked if he knew it was me, instead of creating an awkward silence. Sitting against the wall, I stare at the Benson door, wishing I could have said more to him, but he probably hates me enough as it is. After all, I'm the reason for the scars on his arms. Everything is my fault, at least everything that involved someone getting hurt. If I hadn't been so stupid, things would be better.

**_Six years ago…_ **

_I sit on the couch in the Shay apartment, Carly's head in my lap, and we're laughing about some stupid joke that was on Girly Cow. Fredward is surfing the web, probably to find himself a girlfriend, one as nerdy as him. That would be the day. He still pines over Carly, but he's actually toned it down quite a bit, only dropping hints when the topic rises. Carly just laughs it off and declines every time and I know it hurts him. What goes right in his life? I mean, aside from the good grades and iCarly. No girl has ever shown interest in him and his mother is a crazy psycho freak that embarrasses the hell out of him._

_The episode of Girly Cow ends, and our laughter dies with the power on the TV. Carly sits up and I smirk at her, holding a finger to my lips as I stand, shaking off her hand that snaps around my wrist, and I move silently to stand behind Freddie. My fist connects with his shoulder blade and he screams like a little girl, falling off of the stool and glaring up at me. I'm howling with laughter and Carly's shaking her head at my actions, fighting a smile at the same time. Freddie jumps to his feet and shoves me before leaving the apartment, and I shrug, grabbing a root beer from the fridge. My cell phone beeps, and I glance at it, noticing the time._

_I hop onto the counter in the kitchen and drink half of the cold beverage, drumming my fingers on the ledge. Carly walks into the kitchen and raises her brow at me, taking the root beer from me and taking a sip. "Do you mind?" I ask her, reaching for my bottle. She hands it back and grabs a peppy cola before jumping onto the counter next to me. "Can you believe the little tug munch shoved me? I think he needs to grow a sense of humor."_

_Carly shakes her head in disappointment. "Sam, you really should leave him alone once in a while. That really wasn't cool, what you did." I smirk because it isn't the worst thing I've ever done. One time I actually "accidentally" broke his leg when we climbed a tree a few years ago. Fortunately, that's the only time he could have gotten seriously hurt. "What happens when you push him too far?" she asks, breaking my memory._

" _Come on, Carls. I'm not going to seriously hurt him. If he gets hurt, it won't be my fault, I promise you that." I chuckle. "Besides, torturing the nub is fun." I take another drink and my phone beeps again, this time with a text message. "I have to go. Melanie says she needs me home before Mom hurts herself," I laugh. Carly pouts. "Do you want me to come back when I'm done?" I question, bumping her shoulder with my own._

_She shakes her head. "No, I'll just see you tomorrow. Be careful on the walk home," she whispers, and I slip off of the counter, patting her knee as I toss my bottle in the recycle and leave the apartment. I hate lying to Carly, but if she disapproves of my actions toward Fredward, she would be beyond furious at what I was going to do tonight._

Footsteps bring me back to the present, and I stand just as two people come around the corner. One I recognize almost immediately, his face the same after these past few years. The girl at his side, however, has changed since the last time I saw her. Her brunette hair is streaked with light blue and her face is older, but her eyes are the same. They each have a duffel bag thrown over their shoulder, both laughing. I shove my hands in my pockets, still nervous.

They freeze in their tracks to look at me, puzzled, and Spencer's brow pops up with realization at my pack. He takes Carly's bag and unlocks the door, leaving her in the hall with me. "Hey," I whisper, trying to keep my voice steady, but all I want to do at this moment is run away and cry. She frowns and glances toward the Benson's door before grabbing my wrist and pulling me into the Shay apartment. Closing the door, she crosses her arms and sighs, turning to me.

"Why are you here?" she mutters, her eyes on the ground. My heart drops. This was a huge mistake, to come here and think she was going to want me as a friend again. She threw her hands up. "No letter, no call, no _anything_ for six years and then you show up and act like…I don't know you anymore, Sam. Where were you?" She doesn't know? I thought for sure someone would have told her.

"I…I thought someone told you and you didn't want to be friends anymore, Carly." She looks at me with the same confusion and I frown. "I thought you were so disgusted with me that you didn't want to know me anymore." The look on her face tells me that no one bothered to tell her, and I was no longer nervous. I was furious that everyone had kept the truth from my best friend. "Look, I'll explain everything later. Can we just…I haven't eaten anything since yesterday."

She nods and leads me to the kitchen, handing me a take-out box. "I really wasn't planning on eating it later. Spencer wanted it so I boxed it." She smiled weakly. "He'll just forget about it anyway." I open the box to find an untouched loaded baked potato and grab a fork before digging in, not bothering to sit down. "Hey, slow down before you choke," she chuckles. I stare at her sadly. The past six years taught me to be quick or lose. "God, Sam, what happened to you?" I shrug and finish the potato, throwing away the empty box. Carly took the fork from me and tossed it into the sink. "Do you need anything else?"

She isn't being rude or blunt, and I think that was always my favorite thing about her, no matter how many times I joked about her being such a priss. I shake my head because I don't want to be a pain and ask for too much. For the past six years, she had been blocked from the truth and she didn't deserve that. "How was vacation?" I ask, sitting on the couch. I don't want to get too comfortable, in case she tries throwing me out, because it's what I deserve. I should have at least written her to tell her I was sorry, instead of assuming.

She shrugs and turns on the TV. "I had fun, I guess. Granddad doesn't have much experience in that department." She laughs and I do as well because it's true. Her grandfather has not one fun bone in his body. "Spencer and I kept sneaking off to go swimming, though, and then he managed to catch a wet towel on fire." She shakes her head. "I'll never understand what happened." Her cell phone rings, and she glances at the caller ID before looking at me apologetically. I wave her off and lean back into the couch as she goes upstairs to answer her phone.

Spencer passes through to the kitchen and I move to the stool at the bar, watching him as he digs through the fridge for something to cook for dinner. He jumps when he turns and sees me there, nearly dropping the large ham. I raise my brow and lean forward, arms crossed on the bar, my eyes never leaving his. "Do you know where I was, Spencer?" I question. He hesitates before he nods. "Why didn't you tell Carly? She thought I just walked out and didn't come back. Did you tell her that?"

The tall brunette shakes his head and sets the ham on the island. "When Freddie woke up in the hospital, he told me what happened and told Carly some lie about how he got hurt. She was devastated when your mother told her that you just disappeared." I frown at him. "No one wanted to tell her because of who she is, Sam. Did you honestly want her to know?"

I shake my head. "So, Freddie was the one who started the lie?" I whisper. He did know it was me in the hallway then. He should, since we had been writing each other for the past six years and he never once mentioned that _that_ is why Carly didn't write. I need to talk to him now. "You could have told her. You should have. At least I would have been able to explain myself. Freddie told you his side, but you don't know anything about the rest of it. God, I didn't even know Freddie was there until I saw the blood, Spencer. I promised Carly that it would never be my fault if Freddie got hurt, and then he goes and gets hurt for something I was doing."

"You didn't put a gun to his head and tell him to do it, Sam. It isn't your fault what happened." I shake my head, the tears threatening to break free. Spencer moves toward me and pulls me into a hug, and I cry into his chest, grabbing handfuls of his shirt. Freddie got hurt all because of my stupidity. I hear footsteps on the stairs and wipe my face on his shirt before pulling away and looking at Carly.

"What happened when I was upstairs?" Carly mutters, sitting on the stool next to mine. She hugs me hesitantly and looks at Spencer. "Did you say something to upset Sam?" He shakes his head and starts unwrapping the ham. Carly sighs. "Freddie wants to grab a smoothie, now that I'm back. Do you want to go, Sam? It'll be just like old times." I think for a minute and nod. Maybe I can kill two birds with one stone and talk to him and Carly about what happened.


	2. Merciful

The Groovy Smoothie is the same after six years. T-Bo still knows my favorite smoothie and has it made before I even reach the counter. At least some things never change. Freddie is watching me as I chew on the straw of my now-finished smoothie and the silent conversation we're having with our eyes is enough to make me want to jump over the counter and slap him for keeping everything away from Carly. "Are you guys okay?" Carly's voice brings my eyes to her and she's looking between us as if she's waiting for us to fight.

Freddie and I nod and the nub finishes his smoothie. "It's been a while since all three of us were here together," he murmurs with a glance toward me. I want to pummel him, but I can't with Carly sitting here. She'd just get disappointed or something, and after being gone so long, that was something I don't think I can handle right now. But I feel the need to get back at him, just like I used to.

"What happened to your arms?" I point to his scarred arms and raise my brow. "Did you get into a fight with a cat or something?" He shoots me a warning glare and I smirk. "Don't tell me you got jumped, Frednub. Or did you?" I glance at Carly, whose eyes are wide. Freddie's glare is burning holes in my brain, but it doesn't bother me. "So, tell me what happened, Freddork. What have I missed?" Carly looks between us, trying to figure out what's going on, but she would never be able to guess. Freddie and I are glaring each other down, and I swear if looks could kill we would have destroyed each other. I frown and turn to Carly. "I'm going back to my mom's. I won't leave again." She looks dead inside. I grab her chin so she'll look at me. "I promise, I won't leave again."

She nods slowly and I smile, throwing my cup in the trash on the way out. I drew a cigarette from my back pocket and lit it as soon as I was out of view of the Groovy Smoothie, which Carly would kill me for if she found out. She hated smokers, but it definitely helped me the past six years. The walk home is a long one, as I pass the hobos I haven't seen in years and a few I've never seen before, and I notice my favorite bum is sitting against the front of my apartment building.

Okay, maybe calling her my "favorite" was a little strange, but this woman was like the future version of me. I wasn't calling her or myself a loser, nor do I think I'll end up on the streets. I actually do plan on doing something with my life. So did this woman. Mercy used to be a doctor. She was the best damn brain surgeon in the state of Washington, until she lost her husband. He was a good man, a psychologist, but one day he got into a bit of trouble and he was killed. All of Mercy's money was taken from her to pay off her life debt, and she lost her job for criminal involvement.

I smile and offer a simple greeting and she hugs me, obviously glad to see me. "How have you been, Samantha?" she asks. Normally anyone who called me Samantha would be introduced to a punch in their face, but for some reason I didn't ever feel like doing that when Mercy did it. "I haven't seen you in a while."

"I ran into some trouble a few years back." I shrug. "It's been rough for me, I guess. Can you believe Freddie knew where I was and kept it from Carly? That's not right. Carly's my best friend and I spent all this time thinking she hated me, when she didn't even know. God, Mercy, I was worried that I had lost my reason for living." She raises her brow. "You know what I mean. If it weren't for Carly being my best friend, I probably would have been dead in a ditch somewhere, you know?"

Mercy nods. "Maybe Freddie kept it from Carly to protect her from what you were having to deal with. I mean, from what you used to tell me about Carly, she doesn't seem like the type to be able to handle what you do. Maybe he was saving you from Carly's disappointment. Maybe he was protecting your friendship with her."

I shrug. Maybe she has a point. "I'll have to talk to him about it later. It was good seeing you again, Mercy. I'll be here more often." I hug her and dig into my pocket for some change, placing it in her hand and closing her fingers around the cash. She doesn't usually accept money from me, but I _need_ to give it to her. I have no use for it right now.

I climb the stairs to the fifth floor and open the door to my mother's apartment to find her sitting on the couch, arms crossed, a full bottle of vodka on the coffee table in front of her. Her eyes raise to mine and the corners of her mouth twitch because even though she's a total wreck and borderline horrible mother she still cares about me and has been waiting for me to come home. I had called her as soon as I had had a chance and she'd said we were going to celebrate, Puckett-style. She stands and hugs me loosely because there's still some negligence of emotion when it comes to someone other than herself, but I don't mind because she's still my mother. "So how are you doing, kiddo?" she asks, and she's sitting on the couch now, watching me like I'm so much better than that clear liquid right now.

I shrug and sit next to her. "I'm doing as great as a criminal can do," I reply. Today's been full of surprises and emotion that I'm seriously too tired to even care about any other response and I just lean back into the couch and close my eyes, hoping to get some sleep before any potential fights start because I hate arguing when I'm suffering from fatigue. Mom seems to catch on because the next thing I realize is that I'm being shifted until I'm lying down, and a pillow is slipped under my head.

When I wake up, the apartment is dark, save for the hall light. I notice the bottle of vodka is still sitting untouched on the coffee table, and I have to give my mother props because six years ago she would have finished ten bottles by now. I can definitely get used to this. I sit up and rub the sleep out of my eyes, squinting at the clock above the TV that reads eight thirty-seven. I only slept for four hours. "Hey, Mom, are you here?" I call out into the apartment.

I hear a creak as her bedroom door opens a few minutes later and she comes into the living room with a gift-wrapped box. She holds it out for me to take, and I eye it suspiciously before taking it. "I went out to get some food and I found this so I figured I might as well get it for you." I look at her. "I'm trying to change, Sam." I'm surprised, really, that my mother decided to change for me.

I rip the box open and pull out the cheap little charm bracelet with charm pigs. Clasping it around my wrist, I stand and hug my mother, something I haven't done in a long time. "Thanks, Mom, it's awesome." I reach for the bottle of vodka. "So, what do you say about a little celebration for my homecoming?" I offer, opening the bottle and take a gulp. The warm liquor is foreign to me after six years and I shake my head, swallowing what was probably three shots worth. "Damn!"

Mom's just laughing at me as she takes the bottle and takes a smaller drink. "You know better than that," she jokes, passing the bottle back to me. I shake my head and set it down on the coffee table. "What, you're wimping out already?" I stick my tongue out at her and go to my room, which is surprisingly the same as it was when I left, except cleaner. Damn it, Mel. I had written her a few times during my absence, and she had mentioned coming home once or twice. She never said she cleaned my room.

I notice my pack on my bed where Mom must have put it when I took a nap earlier and open it, pulling out the bundle of letters, all addressed to Carly Shay. I set the bundle of letters on my desk and toss my pack across the room toward the closet. Thinking about earlier today, I probably shouldn't have started teasing Freddie about getting jumped. I mean, he basically did it to save my life and here I am laughing about it. I could fucking hit myself for being so stupid and ungrateful. He shouldn't have even been there. Damn it, why was he there? I look at my pack and bite my lip before picking it up and grabbing the other bundle of letters from it. The ones Frednub had written me.

 _Hey, Puckett. Sorry I couldn't respond to your last letter sooner. My mom made me go to some stupid convention with her. Seriously, the people there were insane, and I thought_ my _mom was crazy. God, I'm glad to be home. Anyway, I can't write a long letter this time because she's decided it would be beneficial for her to dig through what isn't hers. I know, it fucking sucks more than anything. Don't worry, she won't find the letters you send me or the ones I already have. I have a safety deposit box that she doesn't know about, and I have no intention of her ever doing so._

 _Listen to me. You need to stop blaming yourself for what happened. I shouldn't have even been there. Neither should you have been. But you and your damn "reputation"…you could have been killed. I know you say you can handle yourself and believe me when I say that I know you can, but he had a knife. And you weren't moving. Did you_ want _to die? I don't get it. The cuts have almost healed, but they'll be scars, thanks for asking. I'm kind of surprised that you did ask, considering you usually don't care if I get hurt at all._

_I can't visit you again. It's too risky and if my mom finds out, God help us both. If you need money, I can still send you some, but it won't be much. We just graduated and I got a lot of money, but I have to pay for college. You know? I hope you're going to get at least your GED. That would be good for you, even though I know you hate school and everything involved._

_Things aren't the same here without you. I guess I miss you picking on me, but hey, it's a relief in a way too because you really did bruise my shoulder when you punched me last time. That's all I want to say right now because chances are that you're laughing about that last part and I don't know if that means you'll do worse when you come back or if you're actually going to be a little nicer._

_I have to go for now, but I should be able to write more next time. Take care of yourself and do whatever you have to in order to come back. You're missed. I'll keep your letters hidden so keep writing._

_Freddork_

Carly hadn't been mentioned at all. I had asked how Carly was doing, but he had never answered. Maybe it _was_ because he couldn't in this particular letter, but thinking about it now, he never mentioned Carly in any letter he had ever written me. I'll talk to him about it tomorrow, if I can get him alone.


	3. Talk and a Movie

"How did Carly take the news?" Mom asks through the smoke rolling out of her mouth and passes me the cigarette. I inhale deep and hand it back to her, blowing smoke rings. Neither one of us had been by the store to buy at least another pack, so we're sharing the final two from her pack. She understands the need for a cancer-stick, especially after dealing with so much stress.

I shrug and glance at her. "I haven't told her yet," I tell her quietly. "I had to deal with both Spencer and Freddie to find out why _they_ didn't tell her. Damn it, Mom, I thought she didn't want to be friends with me _because_ she knew. I didn't know she was completely out of the loop." I stand and climb back in through the window, turning to her one more time. "Do you mind if I disappear for a little while?" She laughs and I take that as permission before leaving the apartment.

I almost take a cab but change my mind, thinking a walk will help me find the words to tell Carly where I've been for the past six years. Freddie had been there, had gotten hurt because of me even after I promised Carly that would never happen, and he had kept in touch through letters and even visited once. Spencer had been told by Freddie, but he hadn't bothered writing a letter or anything to tell me about Carly. Freddie kept me in the loop, making me feel almost as though I had never left Seattle, and he absolutely refused any apology I ever tried to make, especially about what happened that night.

_Freddie sits on the other side of the glass with a frown and picks up the phone. I stare at him for a moment before picking up the phone in front of me. His arms are covered in light pink scars and I feel like throwing up, knowing that I'm to blame for his injuries, but he just shakes his head. "How are you doing, Sam?" he questions. I shrug. "You're going to have to give me more than that. I haven't seen you in two months."_

_The corners of my mouth twitch and I shake my head. "I'm doing fine, I guess." I sigh. "I still can't believe someone called the cops." I laugh. "I had the asshole. I saw the knife, Freddie. I could have defended myself." My eyes scanned every single visible scar. "Why did you push me out of the way?" He shrugs. "I'm going to need more than that, nub. It's been two months, and I've been wondering why ever since I got here." I want to be angry, but I can't. "You shoved me, and I didn't even see the cop. So, it's your fault I'm in here."_

_He laughs and shakes his head. "Sam, you're in here on your own. Even if I hadn't shown up you would still be sitting in here." He frowns. "Why were you even there? Can't you ever stay out of a fight? Or was this your goal? I mean, I'm really curious about whether or not you act the way you do just to get into prison." I glare at him. "Okay, maybe I'm wrong. Is there some sort of honor you're trying to defend? Did that guy try to do something? Is that why you were fighting him?"_

" _You need to shut the fuck up, Benson, because you're so far off-base I can't even tease you about it." I sigh. "You wouldn't know anything about it because you get everything you want. And don't try to deny it because it's true and you know it." He doesn't speak, just nods sadly. "Well, I'm not like you and Carly. I can't just reach somewhere and instantly have money to get exactly what I want. I_ have _to do things to get money that Carly would never approve of to get money. If I have to steal or sell things or_ fight _, then I'm going to."_

I knock on the door to the Shay apartment and wait, remembering the days I didn't knock. Why should I have? Carly was my best friend and I practically lived here at some point. Of course, that was back in high school, and I had managed to screw everything up three months before graduation. I didn't graduate, obviously, but I was allowed to get my equivalent because I had been incarcerated while being a high school student. Wouldn't that have been something to frame? I roll my eyes and knock again. Where's Carly?

The door behind me opens and I turn on my heel to look at Freddie, almost the exact same scene from yesterday. He nods inside his apartment, eyes never leaving mine, and I step past him. He closes the door and motions to the couch, and I sit down, arms crossed. "We need to talk," I suggest. He nods. "Why didn't you tell Carly where I was? God, Freddie, you visited that one time. How could she not know? What was your excuse for getting hurt?" I'm interrogating him and it just feels so wrong, but I need to know. I want to know why my best friend was shielded from the reality.

He holds up a hand. "I'll answer you, I promise. Do you want a root beer?" I nod and he disappears into the kitchen for a moment before returning with two root beers and hands me one. Sitting down on the other end of the couch, he opens his drink and sips it before setting it on the coffee table. "Look, I didn't tell Carly where you were because she would have freaked out. Would you rather her think about you without knowing where you were or hating you _because_ she knew where you were?" I roll my eyes. Nerd's got a point. "As for this," he holds up his arms so I could see all of the scars, "I told her I tried to break up a fight in the park."

I finish my root beer and lean forward, resting my elbows on my knees. "Freddie…did she ever ask where I was? Did she even care?" He raises his brow and I sigh, looking at the farthest wall. "I went through hell, thinking she hated me. Sometimes I would wake up and wonder, 'What's the point?' and Carly didn't even fucking _know_. I wrote her a letter every day and they were returned to me, unopened. Was it you or Spencer?" I demand.

Freddie drops his head. "We didn't want her to know, Sam. She cared about you more than anything, you know that. Hell, she still does. She can't believe you're back out of nowhere, but she doesn't care about where you've been. All that matters is that you're back." He runs his hand through his hair. "God, Sam, if you have to tell her then do it yourself. She'll be disappointed at you for fighting and pissed off at me for lying to her. But she deserves the truth. So, go tell her."

I stand and yank his hand until he's standing, pulling him into a tight hug. "I'm sorry, Freddie. Everything is my fault, and I wish it hadn't happened. I shouldn't have left Carly that night." I let go of him and cross the hall to Carly's apartment, barging in like old times. Spencer's in the living room, working on some sculpture, and he nods toward the stairs. Carly's in her room, watching some video on her laptop, but she pauses it when she sees me.

The brunette girl pats the bed next to her and I sit. She hugs me tightly and smiles. "You came back." Of course I did. I promised, didn't I? "Watch this video with me. It's hilarious." Of course the video is funny, Carly watches nothing less than funny on the internet. I laugh a few times, but I'm too distracted to be completely interested in watching the video. "Where'd you get that? It's cool." I look down and find her fingers playing with the pig charms on my bracelet.

"Oh, Mom got it for me for a 'welcome back' present. She was out getting food." I smile. "She's trying to change, and I like it, but it's just weird because of how much of my life she was scummy." She nods. "Did Melanie visit you when I was gone?" I ask her. Melanie had never said anything about Carly, just like Freddie.

Carly shook her head. "She called, but she never came to visit me." She leans her head back against the headboard and stares at me. "What happened to you, Sam? Where's my best friend?" I raise my brow. "Did something happen between you and Freddie? He never said your name once after you disappeared. It was like he kept changing the subject and when he told me he got jumped in the park, I knew he was lying but he wouldn't say otherwise."

I shrug. "Nothing happened _between_ Freddie and me. He's a nub." I lean back against the headboard, my shoulder pressed against hers. "Some things take time, and I swear I'll tell you everything that's happened in the past six years, but for right now can we just get back to how we were? I really miss just hanging out and doing crazy shit together." Carly frowns and I know she's going to be curious as hell until I tell her. "Let's go see a movie or something. I haven't been in a while."

"I'm paying then," she states with a smile. I shake my head slowly. "You said you wanted to get back to how we were. That involves me paying for everything, you know." I roll my eyes. "I don't mind, Sam, really. I'm just glad you're back. I've missed you like crazy." I grab her wrist, dragging her off the bed as I stand up.

"Come on, dork, let's go see a movie." Carly laughs and we walk downstairs to find Spencer covered from head to toe with what I assume was marshmallow cream. I reach out and swipe a finger across his arm, plopping the goop in my mouth. Yep, I was right. "Why are you covered in fluffy goodness?" I ask him, looking over the sculpture that didn't seem to have anything to do with it.

"Well, I went to open the jar and it exploded. I'm still trying to figure it out." He licks his arms. "At least it's something edible." I laugh and shake my head, scooping a handful off of the front of his shirt and scarf it down. Carly slaps my shoulder and I grin, sticking my tongue out at her. "So, what are you guys doing?"

"We're going to go out for a little while, see a movie or whatever," I answer. I shovel off another handful and devour it. "We're definitely going to get something to eat." Carly grips my wrist and she pulls me toward the door. "Hey, save me some of that, will you?" Spencer nods and Carly and I take the elevator down to the lobby, where Lewbert is yelling at some little boy for chewing gum in his lobby. God, things haven't changed.

"Apparently, your eating habits haven't changed," Carly teases as she drives to the mall. "Although I don't know if I ever remember you eating food off of people." She tilts her head and shudders. "Okay, that was definitely a weird thought." The rest of the drive is clouded by an awkward silence, which I don't mind because I honestly have no idea what to talk about with her right now.

The cinema is almost empty, since it's a Tuesday night and all the kids are at home doing homework or whatever their parents want them to be doing on a school night. There is seriously nothing good in this place, except the latest gore flick. Carly hates gore, so I'm pretty surprised when she gets two tickets before I can even voice my opinion. Okay, what the hell happened to this girl while I was gone?

We're the only two in the cinema, which is alright with me because I love to make noise, especially with a gore movie. For the entire first part of the movie, Carly is clutching my arm so tight I'm sure she's cut off all circulation from my shoulder to my fingertips and her head is pressed so far into my shoulder it's like she's trying to disappear into it. I'm cheering at most of the murder scenes and laughing when some dude loses an arm.

The end credits roll, and I glance at Carly, nudging her. "Hey, movie's over, Carls. You can look now." What I wasn't expecting at that exact moment that she lifted her head to look, that a random still popped up of the guy losing his arm. "Oops, shit. I didn't know that was going to happen. Here, just watch me while we walk out." She wraps her arms around my waist from behind and I raise my brow when she digs her face into my spine, but I know if she doesn't, she'll end up looking at the screen. We walk awkwardly out of the theater and she finally lets go, running straight for the bathroom.

I don't get it. If she doesn't like gory movies, then why did she choose one? She finally returns, chewing on a piece of gum, and I'm positive she got sick. "Are you hungry?" she asks quietly, and I gape at her like she's got three heads. She shrugs. "I'm a little hungry myself, but I just wanted to check if you wanted to eat."

"Are you sure you want to eat? I know you went and threw up, Carly. You hate gore, always have." She nods and grabs my wrist, dragging me to the food court. I guess that means I won't be getting any answers out of her anytime soon.


	4. Flashbacks

**_Six years earlier…_ **

_I cross town in the silent darkness. For once there's not a million people out driving around, even though it's only about eight in the evening. There's a small bar, where all the scummiest of people go to get drunk and fight, most of them so unbelievably disgusting that it would give Carly nightmares for a week. I would never bring Carly out here because it would be way too dangerous for her and I wouldn't want her to feel guilty for me breaking someone's jaw over her. I made my way through the nubs to the bar and held up a hand. "Hey, Oscar!" I called. The bartender, a large man that could probably take out a tank, turns to face me, grinning. He nods and drops three shots of vodka in front of me. "Thanks, man!" I down all three and let out a satisfied sigh, the familiar burn of the liquid in my throat. "So, who's challenging?" I ask him._

_He scans the bar and points to a nub in the farthest corner. I nod and pass him a twenty before crossing the room and sitting down across from the guy. The dude has a scar below his left eye, and his nose looks like it's been broken too many times. He's wearing a black suit and I'm wondering just what the hell he thinks this is. He glances at me, like he's sizing me up, and I raise my brow. "You're smaller than I thought," he mutters, and I catch a hint of disgust in his voice. "Your rep is bigger than your size." He smirks and I'm ready to beat the shit out of him for laughing at me. Who the hell does he think he is?_

" _Yeah, well, the cocky ones always fall the hardest," I shoot back. I've beaten bigger guys than this scrawny asshole, and he'll go down just like the rest. "How about you stop talking and let's get this over with?" He nods slightly and I follow him out to the alley. Within moments the fight crowd has assembled, and we're blocked in, no way out until someone loses. He throws the first punch, which I dodge and land one of my own in his lower left ribs. The guy doubles over and I thrust my knee upwards into his face, breaking his nose. The crowd is cheering me on, as always. I stare at him almost mercifully. "Next time you should pay attention to reputations," I say quietly, and I know he hears me because he spits blood and laughs. I tilt my head a little and watch as he stands, spitting blood as he does so._

_He charges me and I sidestep him, pivoting and catching him in the lower back with my left heel. I smirk when he hits the ground, but he's up in seconds, turning to me and catching me in the gut with his fist. Shit, I didn't see that one coming. I spin and kick him in the jaw, sending him flying back a few feet. The asshole jumps to his feet and grabs me by the throat, but this is an expected move and I grab his wrist, using it as leverage as I kick him just below his breastbone. He lets go and my fist collides with his neck, damaging his vocal chords at the least._

_There's a gunshot and I don't know where the hell it came from but I'm frozen in fear that I never knew I could feel because I_ don't _know who has a gun and whether or not I'm going to die. The asshole is glaring at me, but he isn't armed, at least not with a firearm, and the glint of something silver in his hand has me prepared to fight off a knife. The crowd is scattering, knocking into us and I lose sight of my opponent until the last second when he raises the knife. I'm thrown out of the way and before I can get to my feet or look around there's a weight on my back and cold metal around my wrists. Someone called the fucking cops._

 _There's blood on the ground close to my head and I try to find the bastard. Did he cut me? I don't feel anything. I see a familiar shoe a few feet away and follow the leg until I see the face of who I assume pushed me out of the way. Why was Fredward here?_ When _did he get here? That's when I notice his arms. They're bleeding, and I'm scared that my opponent cut him too deep. I can't see anything else and when I'm pulled to my feet, the cop holding my arm drags me to the car. I need to know if Benson's okay. I have to know._

_My one phone call was the hardest thing I ever had to make, but it wasn't Carly that I chose to call. It was Melanie. Carly would be disappointed in me, especially knowing that I couldn't be bailed out of this. I was going to prison and I needed to accept it and talking to Carly wasn't going to make anything better. Melanie did manage to make things a little better, telling me that she would tell Mom, although I already knew that the cops would have told her. They always do. I never expected Mom to care, ever, so it didn't matter if she told her or not._

_The first letter I write is to Carly, however. Everyday I've written to her and to Freddie, Melanie, and even Mom. Melanie and Freddie are the only two who reply, and Carly's letters are always sent back. I wonder if she hates me because of what I've done. I never stop writing to her, just in case she does respond, because she's my best friend and I haven't lost hope in our friendship. Benson and Melanie send me money every so often, which pays for the cigarettes I smoke to keep sane and some other stuff to do with my cellmate._

_Okay, I've been to jail before and I've always ended up with the stereotypical inmate. You know, the one that has a million tattoos and looks like they can take down a charging rhino. Well, my cellmate this time is actually a contradiction to the stereotype. It's like Melanie in jail, except not as prissy. This girl_ can _take down a charging rhino and she's as scrawny as I am. She doesn't even look as though she's lifted a single weight in her life. She only has one tattoo and it's for her brother who was killed in action in the military. This chick is the best poker player I've ever seen, and she has an insane love for books. Unlike every convict I've come across, she's never touched a drug or a drink in her life._

_We've become friends in the five years I've been here. She's been here seven, for a homicide she just happened to be near, and she'll be here for another two. We talk about everything in our lives, including Carly, her brother and his death, her ex-boyfriend who she found out was cheating on her almost right after she was incarcerated, my mom, and all of the things we want to do when we get out of this place. We watch each other's backs and we've fought for each other on more than one occasion._

_I lie on my bunk and stare at the ceiling, the sound of papers being flipped below me. My cellmate had gotten more letters than usual today, and her face had lit up like a Christmas tree when she had seen the sender of one. She laughs and I look over the edge of my bunk. "My niece has been having an eventful week at school," she explains. "You'd love her. She's insanely cute." I grin and lean back again, hands clasped beneath my head._

_Later that night, we talk about her niece, whom I find out is in sixth grade. She wanted to go into the military, like her father, which was a positive goal in her life. "What about your letter?" she asks. "Was there any news about Carly?" The question hangs in silence because I'm not sure how to answer that. She understands anyhow. "That's pretty messed up. She returns your letters without even a reply. From what you told me, she usually understands when you get in trouble."_

_I shrug. "I don't know. I guess I went a little too far this time, so she wants nothing to do with me. Benson would tell me if something happened to her or Spencer." I close my eyes. I_ hope _he would anyway. "Freddie and Melanie are the only ones who write, and I was never really all that close to Freddie. I mean, he was just there when I hung out with Carly. So, I really don't understand why he would write and she wouldn't, aside from the fact that he was involved. God, Burch, he even sends me money."_

" _Well, you did say you've been friends for a while. He cares about you; he would have to care about you if he sticks around even though you tease him." She pauses and I can almost hear her laugh. "Dude, if that's not a loyal friend then I don't know what is. Have you guys ever dated?" I roll my eyes. Figures she would ask that. "Or has he ever dated Carly?_ Is _he dating Carly?"_

 _I sigh. "No, none of us has ever dated. I don't like the nub like that and I'm sure Carly doesn't either. She's turned him down numerous times for years. Besides, I think he would mention if they ever start dating. He tells me everything else, except about Carly…" Maybe they_ are _together. He hasn't said one word about her. Nah, it's just my imagination. Carly would never settle for the nub._

" _You know, you talk about Carly as if you're…dating or something." I lean over the edge of the bunk and stare at her, brow raised. Carly and I are just best friends. There's never been anything else. "Okay, let me put it this way. When you talk about Freddie, it's like you're talking about a relative, like a brother or a cousin. And when you talk about Carly, your tone changes to that of someone who cares deeply about someone." She shrugs. "I'm not a judgmental person. If you're into Carly, who am I to rain on your parade?"_

" _I'm not into Carly like that. She's my best friend. It's just that she's been there for more in my life than any other person. So, her ignoring me and everything hurts more than anything because she's the one person I could always count on to help me out of anything." I sit against the wall, my legs hanging over the side of the bunk. "We've been best friends for too long for something like this to break that. That's why I'm so confused."_

" _Yeah, that makes sense. I had a best friend once who was the same for me, until she decided to go and put me in here. You can probably guess that there's no way in hell we're going to be friends when I get out of here, not after the stunt she pulled. She's ignoring me and everything, but I_ know _why. With you and Carly…there's really no reason for her not to talk to you. If she cares as much as you say she does, she should be writing you every single day. If she is upset, Puckett, she'll get over it."_

_I know she's right. Carly never holds a grudge for too long, and another disappointment will come along to get her over this one. Burch told me yesterday and now I'm on my way to find Carly. I'm nervous as hell, smoking like a broken stove all the way to Bushwell Plaza, and the cab driver seems pissed off at me for smoking in his car. It's not my fault he wouldn't roll down the windows._


	5. Arguments Bring Me Back

I don't know what's up with Carly today. First, she chooses to see an insanely gruesome movie and gets sick like always when she sees one, and then wants to go eat. And not only does she eat, she eats twice as much as me. It's almost as if she was abducted by aliens and given a Puckett personality, aside from the appreciation of gore and terror. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think my best friend has lost her mind.

We're sitting on the hood of her car by the river and staring out at the sun's reflection. Dusk is soon and she insists that we watch the sunset and I'm left confused more than anything about her. Is she trying to impress me or something? What's next? Will my brunette goody-two-shoes best friend go on a tagging spree? I smile at the thought. Trying to imagine Carly anywhere near graffiti is like trying to imagine a horse in a dress.

She lies back and I glance at her before turning back to the water. The sun is bright and orange and it's almost time for sunset. "You know I miss this, right?" she asks, and I look at her with a brow raised. She sighs and sits up. "I miss hanging out with you, going to the movies, sitting out here. God, Sam, what happened to you? Where's the Sam Puckett I grew up with?" _She might have died_ , I think to myself. "Are you ever going to tell me where you've been and what's gone on?"

I sigh and lay back, arms crossed beneath my head. The sky is orange, red, pink, purple, and blue, the most beautiful combination of colors with patches of cottony white clouds. "Carls, listen. I'm not ready for the disappointment and I don't think I can take you turning your back on me right now. I _will_ tell you, just…be patient." She nods slowly and leans back, her head on my shoulder and her arm around my waist. I stretch my arm out and play with her hair, my eyes on the clouds above us. This with Carly, just lying here, is nice. I think back to Burch's comments and sigh. I don't feel that way about Carly.

"What do you want to do after this?" she whispers. _Rob a store, deface property, or steal a car…_ I shrug and her fingers find a loose thread on my shirt, tugging at it. I glance down and swat playfully at her hand before she unthreads my shirt. I take a deep breath and let it out, playing with her hair again. "Sam?" I hum in response. "Wherever you were, I'm just glad you're back."

I look at her. "I'm glad I'm back too, Carls." She shifts and stares up at the sky, her fingers tracing circles on my stomach through my shirt. "So, what was the deal with the movie?" I blurt out. She tilts her head toward me in question. "You _despise_ gory movies, Carly. And yet you pick the worst one in the world to see with me. I know you got sick, and _then_ you ate twice as much as me. Is something up with you?"

She shakes her head a little too quickly to be innocent, and I narrow my eyes at her. Carly sighs. "In my defense, I didn't think it was going to be that bad. Any movie with the word 'heart' can't be that bad." I snort a laugh and earn a glare in response. "And I was hungry, Sam. I _did_ empty my stomach contents…" I bite my lip to keep from laughing at the first half, and she slaps my stomach. "It's not funny!"

I grin at her. "Let me tell you a few things wrong with your first statement, babe." She raises her brow and I roll my eyes. "Listen. Just because a movie has the word 'heart' in the title doesn't mean it's going to be anything romantic, at least not in the sense you and the rest of the _innocent_ world see it, especially when the word 'bleeding' and 'murderous' are included." I smirk. "Honestly, is that the only word you saw in the entire title?" She slaps my stomach again and I grab her hand to get her attention. "I'm just teasing you."

She pouts. "You're impossible!" I smirk and she pulls away from me, tucking her knees under her chin and wrapping her arms around them, staring out across the river. I sigh and watch the clouds, waiting for her to get over herself. "So, when you were gone," she starts, and I groan inwardly. Why does she keep bringing this up? "Did you make any new friends?" I sit up and look at her with a brow raised.

"Yeah, I guess. I mean, I made one friend that was actually worth hanging around." I think back to Burch and our conversations, about how close friends we had become. "I didn't forget you or anything, if that's where you're going with this. In fact, you were one of our main topics." Why did I just tell her that? _You're stupid, Puckett._ She just shrugs, as if it doesn't bother her. "What about you? Did you find a replacement for me?" I really did it this time.

She gapes at me in disbelief. "Is that really what you think, Sam? 'Did you find a replacement?' Are you fucking serious?" She hops off of the hood of her car and walks toward the rocks. Yep, I've done it. She turns to face me, arms crossed. "For your information, Puckett, I didn't make any new friends whatsoever. I was so upset that my _best friend_ decided to up and disappear without so much of a phone call or a text. How in the hell do you think that makes me feel? You're unbelievable."

I'm ashamed of myself, I really am. There has to be something wrong with me, to say the wrong thing when I hurt Carly like I did. I should have called her first. I should have told her everything from the beginning. But I can't. She's pissed off at me and if I tell her it will only make things so much worse. "Carls…" She rounds on me and I sigh. "Look, I didn't mean for it to come out like that. I want to tell you, but it hurts too much to right now, especially when you're mad at me."

"I'm not…"

"Yes, you are. You snapped because I asked you a simple question. Granted it wasn't the way I wanted it to sound, it was still just a simple question. God, Carly, I can't even tease you without you getting angry. You're my best friend. I didn't call you when I left because I didn't have a chance to. Everything happened all at once and things prevented me from contacting you, so just let it go. I'll tell you where I was when I'm ready."

I sigh and turn away, walking toward the street. If I stay, less than pleasant things might be said, and I don't think I can take losing my best friend right now, especially over something I can't even comprehend right now. What happened to us? We used to be the unstoppable and inseparable duo and now…now we're at each other's throats like Freddie and I used to be, except without the violence. "Sam!" she calls after me and I just ignore her, following the street toward my apartment building. I pass the bar where everything happened, stopping at the end of the alley, and the memory of the Saturday before my last fight floods into my mind.

" _Damn, Puckett, you're really raking in some cash," Oscar says like it's something new. I smirk and count the cash. "I think you should become a professional fighter, earn some real money and not just these blood bills." I laugh and glance at the front door when I hear the bell ring. There stands Fredward Benson, staring at me with an unreadable expression, arms crossed. "Hey, we're closed, kid."_

" _He's with me," I tell the bartender, pocketing the two thousand I just finished counting and handing the other five hundred to Oscar. He doesn't care that I get the majority of it, since I'm the one doing all the work, but he appreciated the donation anyway. I down one more shot of vodka and cross the bar to the nub, grabbing his wrist and pulling him outside into the alley. Slamming him against the wall, I glare at him. "What the fuck are you doing here, Benson? Do you realize what neighborhood you're in?"_

 _He shrugs and pushes me away. "The question is what the fuck are_ you _doing here, Sam? Fighting for money? Are you fucking insane? That's illegal!" I cover his mouth and shake my head, hearing sirens in the distance. They're getting closer, and I know they're coming to investigate. I raise my brow at him in a silent accusation and he shakes his head to answer my unasked question. He didn't call the cops. I point toward the other end of the alley and he runs with me close behind him. We make it three streets over into another alley and the cops are closer._

_I grab the front of his shirt and back into a wall, pulling him as close as possible to me. I ruffle his hair and unbutton the top five buttons of his shirt, grabbing his hands and placing them on my hips, raising them so they pushed up my shirt a little. "Play along, nub." I lean forward and attack his lips with mine in a harsh kiss and he catches on, using his body to pin me to the wall. His mouth leaves mine and latches onto my throat, but nothing to leave a mark. I tilt my head back against the wall and notice the flashing red and blue lights for the first time._

" _What's going on out here?" the cop asks, climbing out of his car. Frednub pulls away from me and looks at the cop, his expression calm and as though we weren't just making out, and the cop shakes his head. "Damn teenagers," I hear him mumble and he looks at me. "Why am I not surprised you're out late when we're called?" he asks and I shrug, my hand slipping into Freddork's._

" _What's up, Darren?" I greet, as if we just started talking. "How are the wife and kids? Is there a number three yet?" I frown. "Why_ are _you out here?"_

_Darren shakes his head. "We got a call about a fight three blocks from here, and you know it wouldn't surprise me if you're the one who was fighting." He glances at my hand and I know he sees my bloody knuckles. "You need to stop getting into trouble. I can't keep covering your ass every time." He runs a hand through his hair and looks at Benson. "Since this was no doubt her idea, I'm going to let you off the hook." The boy nodded and I dragged him behind me, passing Darren. "By the way, Puckett, beautiful, healthy four-month-old twin girls." I grin and give him a thumb up over my shoulder._

_I let go of the nub's hand once we're out of sight and straighten my shirt and hair, and he buttons his shirt, smoothing his hair. "Don't expect this to happen again, Benson, and for the love of God don't tell Carly. The last thing we need is her badgering us for answers to something that isn't even happening."_

_He crosses his arms. "Darren is right, though, Sam. You_ do _need to stop getting into trouble. One of these days something's going to happen and you're either going to get really hurt or killed, or you're going to end up in worse trouble than you've ever been in." I shrug and he grabs my chin so I'll look at him. "Sam, I'm being serious. I won't tell Carly, but promise me you won't go out there to fight again?"_

_I sigh. "I promise I won't go there to fight again."_


	6. Think It Through

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully everyone had a good holiday.

Mom's been trying to get me out of my room for three days now, but I don't acknowledge her. I turned off my phone, not wanting to talk to Freddie or Carly, but I guess since they couldn't get through to me, they blew up the house phone. Three days have passed since my fight with Carly, and the only thing running through my mind right now is how much all of this is my fault. Everything is my fault, everything that's happened since I broke my promise to the nerd and went back to the bar. Funny how just the thought of him makes my stomach churn, the sight of his pleading face when he made me promise not to go back, when he was lying on the ground bleeding, when he visited me that one time in prison. God, it makes me sick that I let him down, even though I never acted like he ever mattered to me. But he did.

As much as I hate to say it, I care about the nub almost as much as I care about Spencer like a brother, and what's more is he's been there since the beginning, keeping this secret locked inside his head because he doesn't want to hurt Carly. He was _protecting_ Carly, something I should have been doing instead of going off and getting in trouble. I should have known he'd follow me there. I should have been able to stop him before he took my place in the attack. And if he died, I don't think I could have ever lived with myself, with or without Carly. I mean, yes, Carly's my best friend and I'd do anything for her because I'm the strong one. I'm the one she goes to when she has a bad date or when she loses someone or something important in her life.

I hear a rustling at my bedroom door and watch as an envelope is pushed underneath the wooden barricade between my mother and me. I don't want to move from my bed, nor do I want to just lie here in self-pity, blaming myself for every little thing. But I can't go anywhere. Benson will just ask me a million times if I've told Carly or ask what happened between Carly and me. Carly will just want answers that I can't give her right now because she can't understand that I can't tell her what I've done. _Fuck, Puckett, you're pathetic._ When did everything between the three of us become so complicated?

I sigh and roll off of my bed, practically tiptoeing to the envelope so my mother wouldn't know that I had made the effort of moving. I really don't even want to know who this is from, but I have nothing to do and I'm really starting to get depressed. Even I know it. Leaning over, I pick up the white, rectangular object and turn it over in my hands. My heart races when I see the sender and I rip open the envelope, in excitement and nervousness because I don't know whether this is going to be good or bad. I scan through the letter, comprehending every word, and I smile because this is great news. I folded the letter and set it on my desk, moving toward my bedroom door. Taking a deep breath, I yank it open and realize my mother is in the kitchen, making bacon.

"Hey, Mom, do you feel like celebrating tonight?" I ask and she looks at me in confusion. After all, what could I possibly be happy about when I've been locked in my room starving myself for three days? _What_ I'm celebrating, however, isn't something she really knows anything about. Why would she? She wasn't one of the ones writing me any letters. "Never mind, it's really not all that important," I lie, sitting down at the table. She places a plate of bacon and eggs in front of me and I devour it like there's no tomorrow before I realize I don't have to. She's changing for me and this isn't a prison cafeteria where I'll get challenged for my slop. This is an actual home-cooked meal that I haven't had from my mother since Melanie and I were kids.

She smirks knowingly, handing me another plateful. "No one's going to take it from you." She chuckles as I savor the food this time and I look at her out of the corner of my eye. She sits across from me with her own plate and digs in, her eyes on me as she sips her coffee. "Do you want to talk about what happened?" she questions, and I stare at her, brow raised. "What happened between you and Carly? You seemed happy when you left to go see her and when you came back it was like she told you she doesn't want to be friends. Did you have a fight?" I shrug. I really don't want to talk about this, but I can't hold it in.

"I still haven't told her where I was. She keeps asking, but I don't know if I can deal with losing her, Mom." I sigh. "I guess we had a fight, if you want to call it that. I just don't want to deal with any questions right now, so I stayed in my room. It's the one place I can really _not_ be bothered." She smiles slightly and I finish my bacon. "If Carly or the nub calls for me just tell them I'll talk to them later." I stand, taking the plates to the sink and soaping them down. Six years ago, I'd never be doing any form of the word 'chore'. When the plates are sparkling clean, I dry my hands and return to my bedroom, leaving the door open this time.

Girly Cow is on TV, and I realize I really miss this show. Yeah, it's some stupid, childish program, but it was something that was almost always on TV when we had nothing else to do. Scratch that, Carly and I watched it because it was a good show at one point. I can't believe after all this time it's still airing new episodes, but I guess it makes sense. Mom comes into my room with a bottle of root beer and sets it on my side table, leaving with a smile. I just shake my head and laugh, wondering seriously what the hell happened to her to make her change, but I guess the world will never know.

The house phone rings, and I listen as Mom picks it up in the living room. "Hello? Oh, hi Carly…No, she says she'll call you later…She's fine…I finally got her to eat…Yeah, she's doing better, I guess…I'll let her know…Okay…Bye." I shake my head and turn back to the TV. Mom stands in my doorway and looks at me. "I know you already heard, but Carly called. She wanted me to tell you that she and Spencer are going to Yakima for a few days and to call her when you feel like talking to her again." I roll my eyes and she raises her hands defensively. "Hey, they're her words, not mine."

"Thanks, Mom." I sigh and bury my face in my folded arms. Mom leaves me alone, her footsteps heavy to alert me that she's giving me privacy, even with my door open, and I reach for my phone, switching it on. After it loads, I have two hundred text messages, the majority from Carly and Freddie and one single one from Melanie, saying she'll be home next week to celebrate my freedom. Carly texted me over and over to talk to her and that she needed to talk, and Freddie's was a bunch of 'call me' texts. I send both Carly and Freddork a text that says I'll call them both tonight, but to leave me alone until then.

I glance at the clock, noting that it's three in the afternoon, and sigh. I'll call my friends in a few hours, assure them that I am alive and well and not mad at them, and probably go to Benson's apartment. You'd think they'd each have their own place, since we're twenty-four, but I guess after college they came back to what they know. I always thought that by now I'd be doing more crime and getting arrested more since I didn't go to college, but I was wrong. I got arrested before we even fucking graduated and that screwed up my life just as bad. Getting a job was going to be hard, but I could probably do it, even though I hate manual labor.

I don't know how long I had been thinking before I fell asleep, or even when I fell asleep, but I wake up facing the alarm clock on my side table, a red eight twelve glaring at me. I guess it's time to deal with Carly and the dork. Dialing Carly's cell phone first, I sip my root beer and lean against my headboard. She answers on the fourth ring. "Sam? Look, about the other day, I shouldn't have acted like that. God, I was such a bitch to you, and I don't know why. It's just that my brain was on a different path than your words and I didn't realize what you meant, and I'm so, so sorry."

I take a deep breath and sigh. "I'm sorry for what I said, you know? I didn't mean to act like that either and I didn't mean half of it to come out like that, and then when I walked away…I'm sorry. I guess I'm different than I used to be." I hear her sniffle and I want to be there with her, to apologize to her in person, but I can't. "Mom said you're going to be in Yakima for a few days. Is it because of me, Carls?" She chuckles softly and I can almost see her shaking her head. "So, it's not? That's good to know. Now I can sleep at night."

She laughs. "You know you're impossible, right?" I grin, even though she won't see it. "You can wipe that look off of your face." I smirk and she sighs. "Granddad's sick, Sam. Spencer and I…well, I think this is our last trip to Yakima." My heart drops. Even though I didn't totally get along with the guy, I still had a soft spot for him because he was a big part of the Shays' lives. "I don't know how long we'll be up here, but if I call for you…will you come?"

"I'd be there in a heartbeat, Cupcake, you know that." There's a lump in my throat and I can't swallow it. Of course, I'd be there at Carly's call. I'm the strong one, the one to help her get through the worst things. We were both silent for a few moments and I waited for her to say something, anything, but she didn't. "Carly…let me know, okay?" It's almost a whisper, but I know she hears me.

"I will." She sighs. "Thank you, Sam. And…take care of yourself, for me." The call ends and I stare at the faraway wall for a few quiet moments, swallowing the ball of concern in my throat. I should have been there in the first place, instead of hiding in my room and shutting out the world, but she understands. She's sorry too. I close my eyes and tap my head repeatedly against the wall, trying to calm myself before I pick up my cell phone again, dialing Freddork's number. He answers on the third ring.

"Hey, Sam, what did you say to Carly? She came back all upset the other day and then neither of us could get a hold of you. Are you okay? Did you guys have a fight?" Even over the phone, the nub makes me want to punch him, but I remind myself that we're best friends and that he _has_ been there for a huge part of my life. I sigh, and he shuts up. "Sam?" I try to compose some kind of answer for him, but I can't think of anything that won't raise further question. "Did you already talk to Carly?"

I groan. "God, Frednub, do you ever shut up?" I snap, but I hear him chuckle and he knows I'm not being mean toward him right now. "Yes, I talked to Carly before I called you because she called and told my mom she was going to Yakima for a few days. I already know, so you don't even have to go there. We might have had a fight, but we've apologized and settled it. We're fine again. I am doing just awesome, thank you for your concern. As for what I said to Carly, you should know that I _still_ haven't told her, and I won't for a while. She has something else to deal with right now. Last thing before I hang up, I'm coming over."

I hang up the phone and sigh, turning off the TV. Downing my root beer, I go to the kitchen and drop it in the recycling bin and poke my head into the living room, where my mom is on the phone. I motion toward the door and she waves me off. I grab the pack of cigarettes from the kitchen counter and take one, opening the front door and heading down to the lobby. Mercy is sitting against the wall, and she smiles at me. "It's been a few days since I last saw you," she points out.

I smile. "Hey, Mercy, how are you doing? I, uh, you know, I was depressed in my room for the past few days. Carly and I had a fight, I guess you could say." I hug the lady and she waves me off. She knows I don't feel like standing around to make small talk, so I turn away and head for Bushwell Plaza.


	7. What I Missed

I flick the cigarette butt into the ashtray outside of the lobby to Groovy Smoothie and look around before entering the shop. T-Bo's done really well in keeping this one of the top hot spots in Seattle over the years, even after including a small club down the street. Every twelve smoothies you buy will get you in for free, which is surprisingly less than his usual rip-off. One day soon, Carly and I would have to check it out. I ignore the glances from my old schoolmates, the ones who stayed behind, and approach the counter, where T-Bo stands with a stick of waffles. Some things never change. He smiles and sets down the stick, turning to make my smoothie without as much as a word. I look around, catching the eye of a few of my spectators, and I notice Gibby in the corner, talking with a girl I don't recognize. T-Bo hands me my smoothie and I cross the store to the one-time chubby nub. He got over that, it seems.

Gibby looks up at me as I step up to the table and he frowns, as if trying to remember who I am. His lady friend stares daggers at me, and I have a sudden feeling that I just interrupted a date or something. He looks from her to me and raises his brow in question and tucks his hands under the table. Finally, he recognizes me, but he's afraid. "Sam?" he says quietly, glancing back to the other chick. "Sam, what are you doing here? You disappeared. Does Carly know you're back? I mean, she's been worried like you wouldn't believe, always asking if anyone had heard from you." He looks at his friend. "I'll be right back," he tells her, leaning over and kissing her. She's his girlfriend. Damn, go Gibby. He stands and grabs my wrist, pulling me toward the bathrooms but stopping outside of the doors. "Where were you, Sam? Freddie said you were in prison. Is that true?"

I shake my head and chuckle quietly. Of course, Freddie would tell Gibby. Did everyone except Carly know? I smirk at him and nod slowly. "Yeah, I got locked up. It's not hard to believe, though. After all, everyone _expected_ me to go to prison before graduation." I look him over. "You look great, Gibby. The years have been good to you." I glance over his shoulder at his girl. "Whatever happened to Tasha? You guys were good together." He looks uncomfortable and runs his hand through his hair. That's when I see the ring. He's married. He was the first of us to get married. Oh my god.

He notices me staring at his ring and shakes his head. "This girl I'm with…this isn't with her, Sam. Tasha...we got married a month after graduation and two years later we had a kid." He smiles weakly at the memories. "Last year, there was an accident. Tasha and our baby were coming home from the store in the middle of a thunderstorm and a trucker lost control, went through the median, and slammed into Tasha's car head-on." He frowns. "The girl I'm with…she knows all of this. We're together through guilt, more or less, because she went through almost the same thing recently." He shrugs and pulls out his wallet, removing a picture and holding it out to me. There stood Gibby and Tasha, who was holding a baby boy in her arms. He looks over my shoulder again and sighs. "It was really nice to see you again, Sam. Take care of yourself, yeah?"

I nod and hug my old friend before turning and walking outside. Sipping my smoothie through the straw, I head toward Bushwell Plaza, wishing I had brought the entire pack of cigarettes, or at least another few. Lewbert and his complaining follow me to the elevator and the last drops of the smoothie slide down my throat as I throw the cup at him. I don't have time to deal with his bullshit today, or any other day. Pressing the button to the eighth floor, I tuck my hands in my jeans pockets and lean against the back of the elevator in silence, raising my brow when it stops on the sixth floor. The doors open and a boy around eighteen steps in, hands in his jacket pockets and headphones in his ears. He nods at me in acknowledgement and stands in the corner, reading his text messages or something on his phone. The doors open once more on the eighth floor and I step out of the lift, following the hallway to apartment 8D.

Knocking three times, I stand back and wait for the door to open, and when it does, Freddork motions me to come inside. I head straight for his room and jump onto his bed as he closes the apartment door. He eventually comes in with two sodas and hands me one, opening the other with ease. My eyes drift to the scars on his forearms as usual and he sighs, cupping my chin and tilting my head back until my eyes meet his. He doesn't want me to feel guilty by looking at them, but I can't help it. No matter how many times he says it's not, no matter how many times I deny it, it's my fault those scars are there. I'm to blame for everything. I know I've said it a million times, but it's the truth and I don't think anyone could change that fact.

I haven't actually been in Benson's bedroom, not even in high school. His walls are white, miscellaneous pictures plastered around, various knick knacks on shelves, and his desk is covered with random papers. My eyes fall on a picture on his bedside table and I pick it up, smiling at the memory. We had been at the beach, the nub in blue swim trunks, Carly on his shoulders in her dark blue bikini, both of them laughing. I was sneaking up behind them, wearing a black bikini, with a handful of wet sand, ready to throw it at them. Spencer had caught the moment perfectly. My eyes met the nerd's and he smiled, remembering that day as well. It was the last day of summer before our senior year, just months before my life went to hell.

I set the picture down and picked up the other one that was on the table, frowning. Carly was wearing a dark blue strapless dress, her hair up in curls, and Benson wore a black tuxedo with a dark blue bowtie and cummerbund, his hair smooth and a hint of his mustache fairly noticeable. Carly was leaning against him, her back to his front, and his arms were wrapped around her waist, her hands on top of his. In the bottom center of the photo are the words _Lovers' Cruise_ , and I notice the background for the first time. The backdrop is that of a ship's deck, city lights in the distance. I turn to Fredward, who sighs. I just shake my head and set the picture down before standing up. I don't want to know.

Unfortunately, he's not going to let me leave. He grabs my wrist and pushes me back onto his bed. I stare at him, challenging him to shove me again, and he sighs, dropping onto the bed next to me. He picks up the picture and looks at it, like he's trying to think of a speech that will probably clear things up and piss me off in the same instant. "We went as friends, danced as friends, talked as friends. She kept saying that prom was special, it's meant for couples and next thing I know she's kissing me." He puts the picture back on the table and looks at his knees. "We dated until we started college. I guess it was more or less an alternative to being single. We just acted like friends but kissed and held hands and stuff." He turns to me. "I didn't think it was worth telling you, Sam. It just wasn't great like that."

I nod and find a spot interesting on the wall across from us. I don't know why it bothers me like it does, aside from the fact that it was kept from me, which I'm sure our little make-out session had been kept from Carly too. God, _that_ wasn't even real, just something to keep us out of suspicious sights. I hadn't even expected that, but it's in the past. This is all in the past. I mean, it's not that I like Freddie at all, not in that way. He's definitely like a brother to me. Carly hadn't even mentioned dating him to me. Maybe it really wasn't real enough to matter. "Do you want to know why Carly and I fought, Benson?" I ask. It has nothing to do with him, but I'm sure Carly hasn't told him either way. He nods. "I wouldn't tell her where I was. She asked how the hell I thought she felt because I didn't contact her. How the hell does she think _I_ felt? I was the one sending constant letters." He flinches. _Good. Maybe now he knows just how bad this is, all because he kept her from knowing._ I stand and he watches as I lift the head of his mattress, where I figure he hid the letters from his mom. Sure enough, there's a stack just as thick as the ones I sent to Carly and the ones I received from him. I sigh and let go of his bed, sending him a solid look. "Why did you bother keeping them?"

He just stares at me. "How did you know they were there?" he inquires, and I shrug, glancing back at the corner of the mattress. He runs his hand through his hair and turns away from me, walking over to his desk. "I kept them because in some fucked up way it felt like you were still around. I could go back through them and find something if I needed to, without sounding pathetic and asking you something I had probably already asked. You were always picking on me about being stupid and pathetic, Sam. I didn't want our friendship to be that way while you were gone. I wanted you to actually have _some_ respect for me." He slams his fist down on his desk and looks at me. "Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to write a letter to you? I didn't know what to say. Hell, I didn't know how you would react to anything I said to you."

I shake my head and walk over to him, pulling him into a hug. He hesitates before wrapping his arms around me. For the first time in my life, I'm glad that we've established a close friendship without romantic feelings or awkwardness between us. "I still have all of your letters, Fredward. And I _do_ respect you. Otherwise, I wouldn't have kept writing to you. Knowing that at least you and Melanie still cared helped me get up every morning and go to sleep every night. Jeez, I sound pathetic, hanging onto two people in my life that I barely showed any appreciation toward." I pull away from him and sigh. "I think I'm going to head out. I promise I won't go near the bar," I tell him because I mean it this time. "If you want to come with me to make sure…"

He smirks and shakes his head. "No, I believe you this time. Just call me when you get there?" I nod and he walks with me to the apartment door. I step out into the hall and look at him. "Be careful going home. You're finally free again. Try not to mess it up." I nod and turn away from him, starting for the elevator. I hurry home to avoid any trouble and take the stairs up to my apartment once I reach my building. Mercy hadn't been standing outside this time, which meant she probably went to get something to eat. When I reach my room, I call Freddork. "Hello?"

"I went straight home, nub. Thanks for everything." I don't wait for an answer before I hang up because I already know he'll just say 'no problem' or some cliché answer like that. I walk into the kitchen and grab a root beer, noticing a note on the kitchen counter. Mom's going to be home late tonight, something about a party, and I shake my head with a sigh. I guess you can't change entirely overnight. At least she cooked a ham…


	8. Meet Burch

_I lean against the window and watch the world as it goes by, wondering what people are thinking when they walk down the street today, if they're looking forward to starting another moment in their lives, if they think about someone else's life, if they wonder how someone else is doing somewhere else in the world. Do they ever stop and ask themselves 'why bother?' Or do they just trudge through every problem that's thrown at them, taking it all in stride? I've been asking myself so many questions for the past hour, staring out the window as the world continues to turn, everyone going about their everyday routines, and I still haven't gotten any answers. Scratch that, I don't care about the answers to my questions. I turn my attention to my cell phone in my hand and sigh. A week after Carly went to Yakima, she finally called me and asked me to take the next train. So here I am, on my way to comfort her, to be there in this time of need because I know both of this generation's Shays are going to need me. Okay, maybe they won't need_ me _per se, but still. You know what? I have no idea what I'm even saying anymore. Let's just get this boring train ride over with and get me to my best friend._

_The train finally stops in Yakima, and I'm greeted at the train station by Spencer. He tells me Carly's still at her grandmother's comforting the elderly woman and I ride in silence for the short ten-minute car ride. As unpopulated as it is out here, it's quite a sight, even the high school. No wonder no one wants to come out here, what with the lack of attraction. The elder Shays' home is a beautiful two-story light blue house with a basement and a small front porch. There's a tire swing hanging from the branch of a large oak tree in the front yard, and from where I stand, I have to admit, it's like one of those perfect dream homes that everyone wants. I've been here once, when Carly's grandparents invited me along for spring break with Carly and Spencer, and despite her grandfather's constant watch of me it was pretty fun. We walk up the drive and inside to the living room, where Carly and her grandmother are on the couch with a lot of tissues._

_Carly jumps to her feet and is hugging me so tightly that I can't breathe, and she's sobbing into my shoulder. I stroke her hair, humming a soothing tune in her ear, one that Melanie used to hum to me when I couldn't sleep, and I kiss the side of her head, murmuring that it's okay and to let everything out. I feel deep down that I need to be strong for her because this is a sad time and even though I want to cry with her, I can't. It's not my place to do so. Over her shoulder I see Spencer talking with their grandmother, and gently pull away from Carly, my eyes meeting wet, brown ones. I nod toward the back of the house, and she nods, still sobbing. Taking her hand, I lead her to the porch swing in the back yard and sit down, pulling her into my lap. She curls into me, her arms around my neck, mine around her waist, and she sobs quietly. There's a bird in a tree singing mournfully and I can't help but wonder if it knows. Animals do know things like this, don't they?_

_Carly falls asleep in my lap after about a half an hour of crying, and I just hold her, staring out across the acre they call their back yard. My cell phone vibrates in my pocket and I sigh, glancing at my caller ID. It's a text from Freddork, asking how Carly is. I tell him she's asleep and doing better now that I'm here. It's always been like this, I think, with me as her solid wall that she can cry into. Every time she falls, I pick up the pieces without question, no matter what has happened, and when she crashes, I'm the airbag that deploys. Damn, how cliché is that? I sigh and roll my eyes, looking back toward the house. Spencer is watching us from the doorway, a ghost of a smile on his lips, and I can't tell if it's because I'm here for Carly or because Carly's being comforted._

_He turns and walks back into the house and I kiss the top of Carly's head. She mumbles something into my neck, but I don't hear what she says, and at this point, I don't care as long as she isn't suffering. I stroke her hair, whispering to her that things will get better after this and I'll always be here for her when she needs me. I don't know if this is the reason she wakes up or if it's something else, but when she looks at me, I smile in assurance. "Thank you, Sam," she whispers, and I nod, kissing her temple before looking out across the yard again. She reaches up and cups my cheek, turning my face to hers and planting a soft kiss on my lips. "Thank you for being here."_

_Is it possible for someone to turn so red that they'd blend in with a box of red crayons? I'm pretty sure I could right now because I really wasn't expecting that. I just stare at her in shock and confusion and she sighs, tucking her head under my chin. She's bright red too, and I can feel the heat from her cheek through my shirt. When I feel dizzy, I realize I'm holding my breath and let it out. It was just a 'thank you' so why am I freaking out? Was it supposed to mean more? Does she like me like that? Or was it unplanned and completely spontaneous and we're both caught off-guard? I look toward the house and let out a sigh of relief when I see that the doorway is empty. Carly moves to stand up, but I tighten my arms around her waist, and she looks at me in confusion. I kiss her forehead and loosen my grip, allowing her to make her next step. She sits on the swing next to me, staring out across the lawn, her hands in her lap and I sit in silence because the next move is hers to make._

The three of us sit at our table at the Groovy Smoothie, drinking our smoothies in silence, and I can't help but sneak glances at Carly. It's been a month and a half since she kissed me, and we haven't said one word about it since. Freddie knows something's going on, but he probably just thinks we had another fight or that Carly is still detached and upset about her grandfather. Melanie couldn't make it anytime in the last two months to visit, but she said she would as soon as she could. What she's doing, I have no idea. She won't say. There's a tap on my shoulder and I sigh, wondering what the hell anyone would want with me right now, but when I turn around, I grin. I jump to my feet, hugging the girl in front of me. "Hey, how'd you find me here?" I ask her, and she laughs.

"Your mom told me you might be here. If you weren't, I wouldn't know where else to look." She grins and lightly punches my shoulder. "I told you I was getting out today." I give her a look, as if to tell her to shut up, and she frowns. But she understands and changes the subject, glancing over my shoulder. "So, was I interrupting anything?" she inquires, smiling again. "I'm so sorry if I did. I just wanted to let you know I was in town." I smile and turn back to my friends. The greetings are on the tip of my tongue, but the look Carly's giving me is less than polite, and I realize that there's a huge possibility that she's jealous and pissed that I said nothing about this girl. This might not be such a good day after all.

"Burch, this is my buddy Fredward Benson, who's a complete nub," I tell her, earning a protest from the dork. He shuts his mouth when I raise my brow. He knows who this is now. "And this," I gesture to Carly, "is my best friend Carly Shay, the one I told you about." To this, my brunette best friend raises her brow. "And Carly and Freddork, this is Sloan Burch, whom I befriended while I was gone." My eyes lock with Carly's and I can just hear the questions between us. I'll have to tell her soon, otherwise she's going to go the wrong way with this. I motion to the seat next to the dork, and Burch sits before I take my seat again. The dork's watching me, occasionally glancing at the new girl, and he raises her brow at Carly. I take notice of how similar the girls are and mentally curse myself. Frednub notices it too.

"Do you prefer Sloan or Burch?" Carly asks and I can almost hear the bite in her voice. Fuck, she's pissed. Burch shrugs and glances at me. I bite my bottom lip a little and she turns back to my best friend, who's on the verge of ripping out my ex-cellmate's throat. "How long are you going to stay in town? Do you have family here or are you just visiting Sam?" I shoot a plea at Benson with my eyes and he's looking around, trying to form a quick plan to distract Carly. "I mean, Sam has never mentioned you…" The nerd's taking too long. I smile apologetically at Burch and stand, grabbing Carly's wrist and dragging her to the bathroom. When I let go of her she crosses her arms and glares at me. "Who is she, Sam?"

"She's a friend, Carly! God, you're acting like a fucking jealous girlfriend. Look, I told you I had a friend while I was away. It wasn't entirely my doing that we're friends, but that's how it worked out." I sigh and look away from her. "I'm so sorry that I made a friend, Carls. I'm so sorry that we did almost nothing but talk about you because I missed you oh so fucking much that I couldn't even go a day without even thinking about how much I was hurting you just by being gone. Damn it, do you realize how hard it was for me to be away from you? If I could have, I would have been back at your apartment like always."

Carly threw her hands up. "I never said you couldn't make friends, Sam! It's just…you guys seem like you're best friends and I haven't had that with you in six years. So, I'm sorry if I seem like I want to be your only best friend." I groan and turn away from her completely. "It's wrong of me, isn't it, to want to be your only best friend?" I shrug. "Sam, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to freak out or overreact or whatever you want to call it. I just don't know what happened to us. We used to be friends without all this drama, and now…it's like we can't even have a conversation without one of us blowing up."

I turn to face her and cross my arms. "Will you please just give her a chance, Carls? We've both had it rough for both similar and different reasons and it's a little overbearing when you start interrogating. You're my best friend. No one else is going to take away that title from you, don't you understand that?" She nods and I pull her into a hug. "Now let's try this again and please don't bombard her with questions. There's nothing between us that's as great as what is between you and me." She kisses my cheek and pulls away, leaving me alone in the bathroom. I take a deep breath and exit.


	9. Moving In

Burch and I separate from Carly and Benson with a small goodbye, Carly kissing my cheek again and giving Burch a dirty look, and I sigh, leading Burch toward the closest store. I buy an entire carton of cigarettes because my best friend has caused us enough stress today. My friend raises her brow but says nothing and we continue to my apartment, catching up on prison events that I missed after my release, each of us smoking a cigarette on the way. Mercy still isn't outside of the building and I wonder if it's just timing that I've missed her twice today, but I don't worry about it. I toss my cigarette butt in the ashtray outside of the lobby and enter the barely air-conditioned room, turning left for the elevators. Burch gives me a look once we're in and the doors close, but I'm not in the mood for the smirk that etches itself on my face.

Mom's out at another party, so we'll have the apartment to ourselves for a few hours. Burch sits next to me in the middle of the couch, shoulder to shoulder, and she takes a long drink. I glance at her. "I'm sorry about Carly. I just don't know what's up with her lately. It's like she's jealous or something, and we're _just_ friends. I mean, she kissed me, but we haven't gone anywhere with it, much less even discussed it." I shake my head and look at my lap. "I really don't understand anymore." Burch nods and finishes her root beer.

"Carly seems like a nice girl, Puckett. I've only been here for a few hours and already I can tell that she's definitely your best friend. Like you told me, she didn't get any of your letters to even know that you were incarcerated, so it would make sense that she'd be jealous that you found a friend elsewhere, whether by your choice or not. Until you tell her you were locked up, she's not going to understand, Sam." She set the empty bottle on the coffee table and sighed. "Look, a best friend is one of the best things you can ever have, especially one as great as Carly Shay. Whatever she does, it's because she loves you, as a friend or more." She smirked. "My best friend…I'm still mad at her for what she did, but her second move…that's what won back my friendship." She pauses. "You said she kissed you? What brought that on?"

I shrug. "Her grandfather passed away and I traveled a few hours to be there for her. When I was comforting her, she kissed me and thanked me for being there, but I don't know _why._ As I said before, we haven't talked about it at all, and that was a month and a half ago." My eyes meet her dark ones. "What I said in prison, about not feeling that way about Carly, I'm not saying that I do, but I'm not so sure I don't completely." I sigh. "I should just forget it. Carly is definitely…maybe straight. I don't know anymore."

"Just give yourselves both some time to figure anything out that might need to be figured out. If you end up liking her more than as a friend, then that's how you're meant to feel, and you'll be as happy as if you're not meant to. Don't push yourselves into something you don't feel or you're not ready for. Believe me, I've been there." She crosses her arms. "By the way, switching off topic, but do you mind if I stay here for a while? My family might have disowned me for going to prison and whatnot." I nod and finish my root beer, picking up her empty bottle and dropping both into the recycle bin in the kitchen. She follows me to Melanie's room, and I notice that everything of my twin's is gone. I guess she really did move out.

"This _was_ my twin's room, but she left while I was gone. You can stay here as long as you need. I know my mom won't mind." She gives me a look. "Yes, I live with my mother, just until I get a job and I can afford my own place." I roll my eyes and lead her down the hall to the door next to mine. "This is our bathroom. My mom has her own so you can put whatever you want in there, as long as you don't mess with any of my stuff." I smirk. "Of course, we won't have a problem with that." I point at the closed door. "That, my friend, is my room. It's off-limits unless I say otherwise." I glance at the bathroom again. "Oh, word of advice. Something Melanie and I learned is that it's best if one of us takes a shower at night and the other showers in the morning. I take mine at night." She laughs and I smile, taking her into the kitchen. "This is obviously the kitchen, where food is cooked. My mom's been 'trying harder' with me, so if the food is horrible don't say anything. Snacks are in the pantry, but please don't touch the fat cakes. Those are mine." Guiding her back into the living room, I point at another closed door. "That's a total off-limits room, my mom's bedroom. There's never a time to go in there, especially when my mom has a 'friend' over. Fortunately, she's been easing up on bringing guys home." Burch nods in understanding and I point to the sliding glass doors next to the TV. "We have a balcony, and if you're going to smoke do it there. Carly's asthmatic so I'd rather it be clean air in the apartment whenever she comes over."

She nods for probably the hundredth time and slides the door open, stepping out onto the balcony. We have a pretty good view of Seattle, at least what isn't polluted traffic. I grab a cigarette and light up before sitting down in my chair. "Thanks for the tour and everything, Puckett. Are you sure your mom would be okay with me staying here and everything?" I shrug and she shakes her head. "Maybe you should call Carly, talk to her about me staying here and stuff." I shake my head vigorously. If Carly knew this, she'd probably be over way too much for my liking, not that I dislike her company. Burch chuckles, as if she knows what I'm thinking. "She's your best friend, Sam. It would be better for her to hear from you now instead of two months down the road if she comes over."

I sigh and put out the cigarette, going inside to my room. Closing my door, I remove my phone from my pocket and shoot Carly a text, telling her that Sloan's going to be living with me for a while until she can get on her feet again. My best friend replies almost immediately, saying she's sorry about what happened at the Groovy Smoothie. I don't care about that anymore. All I do want is for both my best friend and my new roommate to get along, especially since they're both close to me. And I really screwed up with the appearance thing. I mean, was it some joke that someone else walks into my life looking almost like Carly and I didn't even _notice_? I must have gotten hit really hard in the fight. I tell Carly I'll call her later and take a deep breath before leaving my room. Burch is still sitting on the patio, house phone to her ear, and I can hear her muffled laughter. Going to the kitchen, I grab a fat cake and scarf it down, giving myself something to give her some privacy.

The glass door slides open and I look up over the bar to see Burch slipping back into the living room. She held up the house phone and sets it back in its base. "I called my parents, but they wanted nothing to do with me. So, I ended up calling my sister-in-law. I hope you don't mind." I shake my head and toss her a fat cake. She gives me a look and I shrug. "I thought I wasn't allowed to touch your precious fat cakes." Oh, how I would like to push her out of a moving vehicle right now. I'm kidding, totally kidding. She opens the plastic wrapping and devours it like I usually do, and I smirk at her. It's a change from what I'm used to with Carly, who will barely touch a fat cake unless I'm eating one too and then she _savors_ it. And I mean savors it. I could finish twelve before she even finishes her first. "So, did you tell Carly? Or did you chicken out like you've been doing?"

I shoot her a look. "I have _not_ been chickening out." She shrugs and rolls her eyes. "I told her you were staying here until you can go your own way and she apologized for the Groovy Smoothie interrogation." I hop up onto the counter and cross my arms. "I'll tell her eventually, Burch. I just…you don't know Carly when it comes to me getting in trouble like that. She tends to hold things over my head sometimes and I don't want this to be one of them. Disappointment is Carly's signature emotion." Looking at her, I take a deep breath. "I have every letter I wrote her. When Benson told me he and Spencer had been intercepting them, sure I was angry at first, but then he asked me if I really wanted her to know, and he's right. They probably saved our friendship by _not_ letting Carly find the letters."

Burch leans against the opposite counter, but before she can say anything the apartment door opens and Mom walks in, bag of groceries in her hand. She looks from Burch to me and raises her brow, emptying the bag one item at a time into the fridge. She tosses me a bottle of root beer and another one to Burch and crosses her arms. "Who's your friend?" she asks me, eyeing the brunette girl.

"Mom, this is Sloan Burch, my cellmate for the past six years. Burch, this is my mother. Now, Mom, can I talk to you for a minute?" The older version of me nods and follows me out onto the balcony, pack of cigarettes in her hand. I sit down in my chair and look out over Seattle. "Is it alright if Burch stays here for a while? She got out earlier and I told her it would be okay, since her family pretty much disowned her, and she has nowhere else to go." She sets her lighter on the table between us and looks at me.

"If you already told her it would be okay, why are you asking?" She smirks. "Did you give her Melanie's room and a tour?" I nod and she shrugs. "Then yeah, I guess. Does she smoke?" I give her a look. "No smoking in the apartment, don't get completely drunk, no other drugs. I have no problem with her staying here, Sam. Just follow the rules." She knows the rules are unnecessary, especially since I'm almost twenty-five, but she's on her way to become a better mother, so twenty years later is better than never.

I sit outside with her until she finishes her smoke and follow her inside. Burch is sitting on the couch, hands in her lap, watching Girly Cow with a look on her face that tells me she's either never seen it or because it's different than years ago. She glances up at us and I give her a thumb up before sitting next to her on the couch. "So, she gave the okay. There are just the ground rules, but nothing you shouldn't know by now." We turn back to the show and I realize just how horrible it's become. My mind wanders to Carly and I know I need to tell her soon before she finds out some other way. Sending a text to Melanie, I tell her a friend has moved into her old room. I think my timing's bad because she says she'll be in Seattle tomorrow for our late celebration. I guess that means I'm bunking with someone.


	10. What Should We Do?

I feel like I'm on a boat, a small sailboat or something, one that rocks with the waves. It's too bright and I reach out for a pillow but there are none. Shit, am I really on a boat? I groan and mumble for the movement to stop before I get sick, but the rocking is persistent. Rolling onto my stomach I hide my face in my arms and murmur curses, wishing that the movement would cease before I really do get sick. I hear shouting, but I'm too tired to comprehend what's being said. "Carly...stop..." I mutter. The rocking stops and I roll onto my side, falling back into a slumber. The movement resumes and I growl, sitting up and grabbing the bouncing person, tackling them onto the bed and pinning them facedown. Wait...Carly doesn't have blonde hair. "Melanie! Fuck, how long have you been here?" She gives me a look and I roll my eyes. "Okay, scratch the f-word. Now answer my question."

She pushes me off of her and slides off the bed, straightening her clothes. "I've been here for nearly two hours and my replacement said she shut off your alarm because you stayed up late. Is something wrong? Did you fight with Carly?" I shake my head and rub my eyes with the back of my hand. Of course, my twin would be the one to have a thorough interrogation before I'm even awake. "So how are you holding up? Are you still getting used to being out and about again?" I shrug and yawn, stretching my arms and legs.

"I think I'm getting used to Carly again. Six years without contact is enough to forget how someone sounds and acts." I slip out of bed and go to my closet, changing into a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. When I turn back to Mel, she's giving me a weird look. "What? Do I have something on my face?" I wipe my mouth, hoping I didn't drool or anything, but she shakes her head. I straighten my shirt and shrug, passing her to go to the kitchen, and she grabs my arm before I even leave the room. "God, Mel, just tell me."

"When did you get a tattoo?" I roll my eyes. "Okay, I know in prison..." She glances toward the door and I nod. "You met her in prison?" I nod slowly. "You meet someone in prison and then let them move in with you and Mom? God, does Mom know? You're insane, you know that?" I cross my arms and stare at her with a bored expression so she'll continue. She sighs and rolls her eyes and I smirk.

"Are you done?" I ask. She nods in defeat. "Okay, first of all. I got the tattoo three years ago and that one specifically because that's all I've felt and all I will feel for the rest of my life because not only did I break one promise, Mel, but two. And Benson could have been seriously hurt. I'm lucky he didn't get hurt worse than he did, considering the guy had a knife and was pretty intent on killing me." I pause and try not to let that memory take up too much space in my head. "Second, Burch was my best friend in prison. Her best friend killed someone, and she was waiting for her two streets over. She already spent eight years in prison for something she didn't even know about all because someone was pissed off at her. The only reason she's out? Said best friend was being eaten from the inside out with guilt and finally turned herself in, confessing everything. So, before you start your judgmental bullshit, just keep in mind that you know absolutely nothing about her, Mel."

My twin nods and follows me to the kitchen. I grab a root beer, passing another to my roommate, and one for Melanie. She drinks hers in silence and I roll my eyes, grabbing a cigarette from the pack on the counter. I think Melanie doesn't realize that I'm a completely different person than I was before prison, and she needs to understand that. "Does Carly know you smoke?" she asks quietly, and I shake my head. If Carly knew that part, she'd kill me. I already have enough to worry about with how I'm going to tell her I was in prison. "And she still doesn't know you were in prison?" God, can she read my mind or what?

"No, she doesn't know anything. I'm waiting for the right time to tell her because every time we're together we get into some kind of argument that just makes things worse. And she apologizes every time, but it's impossible to tell her right now. I don't want to lose her." I look at Sloan. "Hell, she _hates_ Burch." Mel raises her brow. "She thinks I'm replacing her as my best friend, so she questioned Burch like a prosecutor in a murder trial in the middle of Groovy Smoothie. That was infuriating and I cornered her about it." I smirk. "Oh, _and_ she kissed me a month and a half ago. We haven't talked about that at all, though."

My sister's eyes were wide. "Carly kissed you?" I nod, admitting it. "I didn't think Carly was like that. I mean, she doesn't seem the type to swing that way." She smirks. "No offense, Sam, but if someone asked me to bet on you or Carly being the one to kiss a girl, I would have to bet on you." I raise my brow. "Well, it's just that...look, you and Carly are best friends, sure. But your friendship has always been in limbo, I guess." _Limbo_? "Like, you're always protecting Carly, you beat up Freddie for even talking about her, you've made comments about girls on more than one occasion, and you've never had a boyfriend, let alone kissed a boy." I chuckle at that and she tilts her head, as if daring me to explain. "Let me guess, you kissed a boy because you were trying to cover up your tracks when you heard sirens?" I stare at her in shock and she laughs. "God, Sam, I _do_ know Darren, you know. He told me."

I roll my eyes. Of course, she would find out from him. "You think it's funny now, but that night was not a good night." Burch already knows. She follows me out onto the balcony, and I sit in my chair, flicking the lighter. I watch a plane in the distance. "For one, that night was exactly one week before I was arrested. Second note, it was the night I made the first of two promises that I ended up breaking. And third? I made out with Fredward Benson." Mel did a spit take with her root beer. Of all the people in the world, I had made out with Benson, the guy I constantly told Mel I wanted to run over with a bus. "You can breathe, Mel. He just happened to be there when I needed a cover. It didn't mean anything."

"Just like Carly kissing you didn't mean anything?" She did have a point there. I still don't know why Carly kissed me and I know I need to find out soon. She's my best friend and I don't know what I'd do if I lost a decade and a half friendship that I held with her. I sigh and flick my cigarette, watching the ashes fall. "You promised him you wouldn't fight anymore, didn't you?" I nod, wondering how she was figuring this out. "Sam, it's not your fault that he was attacked. He was trying to save you, but it's not your fault. You need to let it go." I shake my head and look away. Of course it was my fault. I told him I wasn't going to fight, and I did anyway. Just like I told Carly that Benson wasn't going to get hurt because of me. God, I'm so stupid.

"Your sister's right," Burch agreed. "He was there because he wanted to make sure you didn't get hurt. He obviously cares about you quite a bit if he took what was meant for you. I'd love to have a friend like that, you know?" She turned and looked over Seattle. "Not everything is your fault. You _can_ get past it and just move on. If he's accepted it, you should too." I sigh and nod. They're both right, but I'm just being stubborn and trying to carry all the weight on my shoulders when it's unnecessary. I finish the cigarette and go inside the apartment.

Melanie follows Burch inside and looks at me. "So, what are we going to do to celebrate your freedom, sis? I mean, you've been out for two months and I finally come to visit, so we need to do something. And what's even better is that Sloan is free too. Plus, our birthday is coming up. Let's just celebrate anything and everything. Have a big night somewhere. What do you say?" I laugh and shake my head, looking between Melanie and Burch. "Oh come on. When was the last time you actually had any fun?" I shrug. "It's been too long. So come on. We can invite Freddie, Carly..." She pauses and glances at Burch, biting her lip in thought. "Maybe if we go somewhere with enough people that you can blend in when Carly gets imperative, we should be fine." She snaps her fingers. "Let's go to a club, Sam!"

I stare at her like she's grown horns. She can't be serious, taking me to a club. She's the fucking princess, the one who doesn't do that sort of thing. Did she change too? "Are you for real, Mel? You're the straight one, no drugs, no booze." They both smirk at "straight" and I groan in frustration. "Really? You guys are going to push the whole Carly kissing me thing right now? I'm straight, believe me." Burch chuckles and I narrow my eyes at her. "Okay, so I'm pretty sure I'm straight." Mel looks at me sideways. "Is there a problem, Mel?"

She shakes her head. "Nope, if Carly's your type then by all means, go for it." Both girls burst with laughter and I growl in annoyance. I tease people, not the other way around. And as far as Carly's concerned, I'm not going to listen to it. I stand up from the couch and go to the kitchen, grabbing a fat cake from the pantry. Melanie grabs my wrist and turns me to face her. "Hey, I was just messing with you, Sam." I nod hesitantly and she takes one of my fat cakes. I glare at her and she grins, unwrapping it and stuffing it into her mouth.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you're mocking me," I mutter. I smirk, a light bulb turning on in my head. Let's play this game right. "Okay, Mel, since you want to act like me, go to Carly's. Act like me and all and let me know if Carly kisses you." She looks at me in shock. Oh yeah, Mama got her. I laugh. "So, you wanted to go to the club to celebrate? It sounds like a pretty good idea, I guess. I'll just have to talk to Carly and the nub and find out if they want to go. Otherwise we could just chill here and get smashed."

"Sam!" she scolds. "We will not _get smashed_. I don't even drink." I raise my brow, wondering why the hell she'd want to go to a club if she's not going to drink. She must know what I'm thinking because she shakes her head. "This is celebrating for you. And Sloan, if you want to think of it that way. Plus, I'm driving, so I need to be sober." I shove the fat cake in my mouth and wash my hands, throwing the wrapper in the trash. "Now go call Carly and tell her we're going tonight."


	11. Club Scene

Melanie and I stand silently in the elevator at Bushwell Plaza and wait to reach the eighth floor. She's been dying to meet Benson, despite my jokes about how nubby he is, and I'm here for Carly and to make sure she won't start anything with Burch. I don't care how jealous she is, we're celebrating and I'm going to enjoy it, whether she does or not. Does that make me selfish? The elevator doors open, and I lead Melanie down the hall to apartments 8C and 8D, knocking on both doors. Benson opens his first, looking from me to Melanie and back again with a confused look on his face. He's never met Melanie, but she's come up in conversations, especially when I was locked up.

Carly's door opens a minute later, and I grab her wrist, pulling her back down the hall toward the elevators. Benson and Melanie follow close behind, lost in conversation _already_ , and Carly pulls away once the doors close. She crosses her arms. "I'm sorry for being jealous and I'll try not to be that way tonight. I promise." I nod and lean against the wall, glancing at my twin. She's still in conversation with Freddork, getting to know one another the _proper_ way, and if he messes anything up with her tonight, I will _properly_ rearrange his face. That would just be weird seeing them together as a couple anyway. It would be like Benson and me. I shudder, Weird. We reach the lobby and I walk with Carly out to Melanie's car, Burch leaning against it waiting for us. I had asked her to stay down here so I could make it clear to Carly that this is not the time to get on my bad side. Melanie drives and Benson calls shotgun and I sit between the two look-alike girls in the backseat. Carly's arm brushes against mine but she's looking out the window and I don't know if she's intentionally trying to make me choose her tonight or if she doesn't even realize she's doing it. Burch raises her brow, noticing when I look at Carly's arm, and I shake my head slightly. She crosses her index and middle fingers on her right hand, and I sigh, looking at Carly. I need to tell her soon, but not tonight. Tonight's all about being free. The brunette in question turns her head toward me and raises her brow and I realize I've been staring. Shit. "Are you okay, Sam?"

I nod and glance at my sister's eyes in the rearview. She's giving me a weird look, like she's been watching me stare at Carly and I shake my head, hoping she won't say anything. When her eyes return to the road, she continues her conversation with Freddork, who's going nuts about some convention he wants to take her to. I flick the back of his head and he turns to me, puzzled and annoyed. "Quit flirting with my sister." Melanie shoots me a warning glance and I roll my eyes, leaning back into the seat. "God, Mel, what club are we going to? We could have just gone to T-Bo's club. It was down the street from Bushwell." She parks the car and I notice we're in the parking garage of one of the hottest clubs in Seattle. Damn, Princess really knows where to party.

Freddie and Melanie climb out of the car and open the backdoors. I follow Carly and close the door once I'm out, wrapping my arm around her shoulders and leading her toward the elevator while glancing around. Burch follows, Mel and Frednub close behind her. Once we're in the elevator and the doors close, I drop my arm and lean against the wall, gauging the reactions of the other three with us. Burch is smirking knowingly, which makes me roll my eyes, and Freddie's got a brow raised. Melanie, however, is watching Carly's face, which sparks my interest. I look at the girl next to me and notice the almost…is that disappointment? Why would she be disappointed? I glance at Melanie again and her eyes meet mine, a huge question mark behind them. And I have no idea what to tell her. The elevator doors open, and I stay behind the others this time. Carly joins Benson and Mel and Burch sticks with me. She grabs my wrist and stops me just outside of the club doors. "What was up with the arm thing back there, Puckett? You just randomly decided to put your arm around her shoulders?" I shrug. "She _wanted_ you to." I stare at her like she just grew three more heads. "You heard me right, Sam. She _wanted_ you to have your arm around her shoulders. When you dropped your arm, she looked as though you had offended her." She looks toward the doors. "I'm pretty sure that she wasn't just thanking you for being there, like you said."

I sigh and head toward the doors to the club, receiving a neon orange wristband after showing my ID. Burch is close, trying not to lose me in the crowd, and I look for Carly and the other two. They're at the bar already, probably to get the first shot of the night, but I notice my brunette best friend is the only one to down a shot. No, make that five shots. I groan and move toward the bar, hoping to stop her before she ends up downing the whole bar, and nod toward Fredward and Melanie. "Go dance," I tell them, and they obey, disappearing into the sea of people. Burch disappears into the mass and I turn back to Carly. "What are you doing, Carls?" She looks at me and gulps another shot. She's making this difficult.

"Drink with me," she offers, as if she knows what I want. I shake my head, but she pulls me to the bar, so close to her that I can't move my right arm without touching her, and I shrug, taking the next four shots of vodka. After every shot I glance at her face and almost laugh at her expression. She must have forgotten that I used to be able to drink my _mother_ under the table and that woman used to be able to drink four entire bottles of liquor by herself in one night. "Do you want to dance?" she asks. I nod and she grabs my hand, pulling me into the depths of the ocean of people. A new song comes on and we start dancing, but Carly being a lightweight drinker has a different idea about dancing. I try to keep her dancing as clean as possible, but she's so close I can barely move without being inappropriate, so I just stop and stand still.

"Carls, I think we should stop," I say, but she isn't listening. I grab her wrist and she stops, staring at me. "Carly, what's gotten into you tonight? Did I do something that's making you act like a…like a…" I can't even say that about my best friend. God, she's definitely not that type. She raises her brow and I sigh. "You never drink, Carls. I mean, I know we're supposed to be celebrating, but you _never_ drink, especially not six shots of liquor. Are you crazy? Or did I really do something to piss you off that you're drinking to get back at me?" She pulls away from me and vanishes in the crowd. I sigh and feel someone watching me from behind. Turning around, I see Sloan leaning against the rail on the balcony, but I couldn't see her face. I push through the crowd in the direction Carly went and find Melanie and the nub at the bar getting sodas or something. "Have you seen Carly?" I ask them, but they shake their heads. "Fuck. I think she's pissed off at me or something. She's drinking a lot and it's scaring the hell out of me." I glance up at Burch again and it looks like she knows what I'm doing because her head keeps turning like she's scanning the club. She points toward the opposite end of the room, where another bar sits, and I shake my head, shoving through the crowd to reach the other side. Sure enough, Carly is standing at the bar, talking to some guy who is handing her a drink. I grab the drink out of her hand and slam it on the bar in front of him with a glare. "I suggest you get the fuck away from her," I threaten, and he holds his hands up in defense, backing off into the crowd. I turn to Carly and she grasps the cup, swallowing half of it before I can stop her. "Damn it, Carls, it was probably drugged!"

She shakes her head and glares at me before turning and trying to walk off. The poor girl makes it about eight steps before she stumbles and I sigh, hurrying to her side. I lead her up the stairs toward Burch and sit her down against the rail. Sloan looks at me and raises her brow and I shrug. She tilts her head and nods toward a nearby wall and I glance at Carly to make sure she's okay. Standing up, I follow Burch to the wall and keep my eye on the drunken brunette on the floor. "So, I saw you guys dancing. You were just one grind away from being her stripper pole, Puckett." She crosses her arms. "Is everything alright with you guys? She doesn't seem the drinking type."

Carly's eyes meet mine from the distance and I shrug. "I don't know what's up. She just drank something a stranger gave her, and I don't know if it was drugged or anything. Can you keep an eye on her while I track down the asshole and find out?" She nods and I kneel next to Carly. "Hey, Cupcake, I'll be right back, okay? Stay here with Sloan and just…don't go anywhere." She frowns and I kiss her forehead. "Stay here." Before she can argue with me, I'm down the stairs and searching for the nub that was with her before I reached them. Melanie and Freddork see me, but I wave them off so they won't worry. I find the dude near the third bar, leaning next to another girl and offering her a drink. She shakes her head, but he insists, and I approach them. "Is everything all right here?" I question, my voice laced with venom. I will seriously rip this guy apart if he's going around drugging drinks. The girl nods and rushes away from us and I look at the guy. "I'm going to ask this once and I want you to tell me the truth or I will break your arm right here and now. Am I understood?" He just smirks and nods. "My friend, the one you were with when I told you to leave, did you spike her drink?"

He sets down the drink and crosses his arms. Obviously, he does _not_ know that I don't make empty threats. "The cute little brunette that was already pretty drunk when I offered her a drink? She's pretty hot. And you just stood there and let her use you like a pole. Anyone would be lucky to tap that." I balled my hand into a fist. "Yet you didn't do a fucking thing, so I offered her a drink. She looked like she needed one. But to answer your question, no, I did not drug it. I hook up through comforting a bitch, not playing dirty." Even though it seems he's being honest, I punch him, hearing my knuckles crack against his jaw. There was a sharp pain in my hand, but I didn't care. "Ow, bitch! What the fuck?" he snarls, rubbing his jaw.

I grab the collar of his shirt and pull him to me until our faces are inches apart. "Learn some fucking respect for women." I shove him. "Don't ever go near her again or any other woman, like that, or I swear to God, I will end you." Turning away from him, I maneuver through the mass and find Mel and the dork. They're staring at me as though I'm an alien and I shrug, asking the bartender for a shot of vodka. "So, I take it you guys saw that?" I inquire and they both nod. "It's assholes like that that are a waste of fucking time and don't deserve to live. I'm surprised all I did was hit him in the jaw." I down the shot and walk away from them, not caring for their input at the moment. When I reach the other two people we came with, I find Sloan sitting next to Carly, my best friend's head on her shoulder. I look at Burch. "The drink wasn't drugged."

She nods and glances at my hand, my eyes following her gaze and I realize my knuckles are bleeding. Shit, I didn't think I hit him _that_ hard. Carly notices too and her eyes go wide. "What did you do, Sam? Did you really get into a fight at a _club_ , of all places?" I kneel next to her and awkwardly hug her, kissing the side of her head. "Oh my god was it that guy who gave me the drink?" she guesses. I nod and she shakes her head. "Is it _because_ he gave me the drink?" I nod once again, and she sighs. "Sam, it wasn't drugged. He was just being nice."

I smirk. "Yeah, he was nice enough to try and get in your pants. God, Carls, you could do so much better, especially if you're pissed off at me about something. And in this case, I have no idea what I even did." Her eyes lock with mine, as disoriented as she may be, and she leans forward, her lips on mine, and I can smell the alcohol on her. I can't kiss her back, knowing she's drunk, and I pull away, leaving her confused. Burch is looking down at the level below us and I know it's because she's trying to give us privacy without actually going anywhere. "You're drunk, Carly. I can't…" She kisses me again and I sigh, frustrated that she's barely listened to me at all tonight. So much for celebrating tonight. When I manage to pull away again, I turn to Burch, who caught us this time. "Go find Mel and the nub and tell them to meet us at the car." She nods and goes downstairs, and I look at Carly. "Come on, Cupcake. We're leaving."

She pouts, and even drunk her pout is so adorable. I sigh and wrap my arms around her shoulders and legs and stand, carrying her downstairs. Buzzed, I can barely think as I push through the crowd, my best friend in my arms, her arms around my neck, but I make it outside and set her down so she can throw up in a bush. I hold her hair and try not to listen to her, but it's almost impossible. People glance at us, but I just shrug casually and wait for her to finish. When she finally does, I pull the tissues from my jacket pocket and gently wipe her mouth, tossing them into the garbage can. I brought them especially for her if she had gotten sick. "I'm so sorry, Sam. I shouldn't have been drinking so much. I've ruined the fun."

I pull her into an embrace and kiss the side of her head. "You're okay, Carly, let's just get out of here and we can talk in the morning, if you want." Honestly, I hope she doesn't remember the kissing part. My knuckles are sore and itching as we walk to the elevator and Carly leans against me so she doesn't fall over. "Do you want me to carry you?" I whisper and she nods slowly, as if she's drifting off to sleep. I turn my back to her and crouch down enough to where she can climb onto my back. Her legs wrap around my hips, her arms around my neck, and she rests her head against my back. I carry her to the car, earning raised brows from the other three people we know. Freddork helps her off my back now that she's asleep and I set her in the car, sliding her to the middle and buckling her in. Burch slips in behind the driver seat and I get in behind Freddie, closing my door. Carly scoots until she's somehow comfortably half-laying with her head in my lap and I stroke her hair. This has been one crazy night.


	12. Question Marks

Freddie carries Carly straight to her apartment when we reach the eighth floor and I follow him up to her room. He sets her on her bed and turns to me. With a quick hug, he leaves, and I drop Carly's footwear in her closet, grabbing her pajamas from her dresser. My brunette best friend is beyond sleep and I know that even an earthquake would be powerless against waking her. I return to the bed and sigh, taking off her shirt and replacing it with her black OMG t-shirt before removing her bra and tossing both it and her shirt in the laundry hamper by her closet. Her pants take longer because she had to wear the tightest pants she owns, but I finally get them off and her pajama pants in place and toss the jeans into the hamper. It never bothers me to see Carly undress, only because we've changed clothes in front of each other millions of times. I hesitate before opening the bottom drawer of her dresser and I'm surprised she still has a change of clothes for me. I change quickly and throw my clothes with hers. Hearing the door open and close downstairs, I glance at Carly before heading down the hall and down the stairs to find Spencer setting his keys on the bar.

He looks up as I step onto the last step and his eyes are filled with pain and heartbreak. Without a word, I cross the room to him and wrap my arms around him in a hug. After a moment he finally hugs me back and I try to comfort him in just that small embrace, silently, rubbing his back. I don't expect him to tell me what happened, or to even say anything, but he does. "Four years and she just throws it away like it's nothing," he explains quietly. "She didn't even tell me why. She just gave me my key and asked for hers in return." I hold him because really, there's nothing else to do. Nothing I say is going to make him feel any better so there's no point in words. Eventually he does pull away and rubs his eyes. "So how was the club?" he asks, as if he didn't just cry into my shoulder.

I shrug and look toward the stairs. "Carly's passed out in bed and I think it's safe to say she's going to have one hell of a hangover in the morning. She had more than I did." I turn my attention back to him. "I'm going to stay the night and just be here for her. I know it's not the first time she's ever had alcohol, but she was on fire tonight." I leave out the fact that she seemed angry with me and the guy that I had to teach a lesson. He's got enough on his mind right now and I don't need him to worry about his sister on top of it. "I'll see you in the morning, Spence." He nods and hugs me again, kissing my forehead. I return to Carly's room and notice that she's sitting up and looking around slowly. "Carly, are you okay?" I ask. She sighs and lies back down after hearing my voice and I realize she was looking for me. I slip under the blanket behind her and she grabs my wrist, dragging my arm around her waist. She backs up against me until there's not a single centimeter between us and then she's asleep, leaving me to my thoughts.

I don't know what's up with her tonight. I mean, I figured she would kiss me again, being drunk and everything, but what does it even mean? Does she actually feel something toward me or is she just kissing me for the hell of it? We haven't even talked about the first time she kissed me, and I'm already confused from that. What if she _does_ have feelings for me? I can't tell her I do because I don't know how I feel about anything right now. God, I've only been around her again for two months and I've been dealing more with her anger issues and jealousy. Jeez, she sounds like how I was before prison. And speaking of prison, I still need to tell her about that. My priorities are shot. I don't know what to do first or at all. But what if I turn out to be the one with feelings for her and I'm just overanalyzing everything? What if I kiss her and everything just ends? Am I doomed to screw up no matter what?

My phone vibrates and I reach around her, grabbing it from the bedside table. Fredward's texting me, asking if Carly's still asleep and how she's doing and then asks if I'm going to tell her tomorrow. I reply and replace the phone where it was. I groan and Carly's hand reaches for mine, pulling my arm around her waist again. She's awful demanding in her sleep, isn't she? She sighs again and goes back to light snores, and I'm stuck thinking. In a way, I'm glad she's asleep so she won't ask me any questions, but if she was awake, I might actually have a chance of getting answers. I take a deep breath and close my eyes. Maybe if I go to sleep, I won't have to think about this.

The next thing I'm aware of is the sunlight that creeps into the bedroom. Groaning, I pull the pillow from under my head and cover my face with it, taking note that I'm on my back and there's a weight on my right arm. I ignore it, thinking it's just another pillow, and try to go back to sleep. The weight shifts and I snap the pillow off of my head, staring to my right. Sprawled out next to me is Carly, her head on my shoulder and she's lying on her stomach, one arm across my waist. It takes me a minute to remember that she was drunk last night, and I stayed with her. With my left arm, I shake her shoulder, hoping she'll wake up and move or something, but she doesn't. She's still out. Damn it. "Carls…" I whisper. "Carly, come on, wake up." She grunts and curls into a ball, her knees tucked next to my hip. "Cupcake, come on, you have to wake up. It's…" I glance at the clock. "It's eight in the morning." I pause. Why am I awake at eight in the morning? I sigh and shake her shoulder again. "Come on, babe, wake up."

Apparently, that gets her attention because she groans and rolls away from me and sits up slowly, holding her head in her right hand. Before I can say anything, she rushes from the room at such a force that would knock out the football team and I sigh, hurrying to where she was leaning over the toilet. I pull her hair back and wait for her to finish before handing her the washcloth from the counter. She wipes her mouth and grabs the mouthwash bottle, swishing some in her mouth and spitting it out. When she turns to face me, I'm glad she fixed her breath because she's close enough for me to feel her breath on my face. She leans and hugs me, burying her face in my neck. I return her hug. "Thank you, Sam." She holds her head again when she pulls away. "Ugh…how much did I drink last night?" she mutters.

I shrug. "I think it was somewhere around seven shots and a half a glass of straight liquor." I smirk. "I didn't know you had it in you, Carls. Drinking more than me? That's pretty impressive." She gives me a look and rolls her eyes. "Hey, I'm just teasing you." She leaves the bathroom and I follow her back into the bedroom, watching her from a distance as she checks her phone and she pushes past me to go to the stairs. I stop her at the top step, and she looks at me. "Carly, why _did_ you drink so much last night? Were you mad at me or something? You seemed determined to just forget everything."

She bites her lip. "Well, that worked well, considering I remember bits and pieces." She reaches for my hand and examines the bandage Freddork had wrapped my hand with. My knuckles had bled through the gauze and she raises her brow. "I definitely remember that, though. You punched some guy because he was giving me a drink and you thought it was drugged…or something. I don't remember anything else." She pulls me back to the bathroom and unwraps my hand, rewrapping it with clean gauze. "You shouldn't have punched him, Sam. I don't want you ruining your hands over me." I nod and she pulls me downstairs to the kitchen, where Spencer set breakfast on the table. He's really torn up about the girl he was dating.

I finish my single serving and look at her. She's devouring her food like it's the last thing on Earth and I watch as she takes her last bite. "Are you ever going to tell me what I did?" I ask her, hoping she doesn't snap from my question like she did last time. It really sucks when someone gets pissed off at you and you have no idea why. She hesitates before she nods, but I realize I only asked her if she was ever going to tell me. I never asked when. Damn. "Is it going to be today?" She shrugs and drinks her coffee. I stand and take our dishes to the sink, washing them, and turn to face her. "Well, I apologize for whatever I did or didn't do. How's your head feeling?"

She sighs and closes her eyes, leaning back in her chair. "You don't have to wait on me hand and foot, you know. I'm fine. I just…there's a lot going through my head right now and I don't know how to talk to you right now. Last night, that day in Yakima, Sloan showing up. I don't know how to tell you what's going on right now." Her statements remind me about what I've been telling her every time she asks where I was previous to coming back and I know I can't let this go. She catches the look on my face and freezes. "Sam, did I…did I kiss you last night?" I nod slowly and she curses herself, running a hand through her hair. "I'm sorry if that, you know, made you uncomfortable."

I stand. "What's going on with you? Seriously, Carly, I'm not going to be mad or anything, I just want to know. Why did you kiss me in Yakima and last night and why did you drink? You rarely drink and when you do, you stick with maybe one shot, depending on what we're drinking. That's how it's always been; that's how Carly Shay works. And then you turn around and get drunk off your ass and you were pissed off at me the entire time. I don't even know why, and it's driving me nuts. How am I supposed to fix it if I don't know? Does it make sense to you? It sure as hell doesn't to me." I sigh and turn away from her, going back upstairs to get dressed. She can figure out everything herself because I'm done with the confusion. It's doing more harm than good, and I just can't deal with it.

I change as quickly as possible, hoping she doesn't come up when I'm changing my shirt because of my tattoo. I don't need her questions. I grab my cell phone and pocket it without even checking to see if I have a new message. I just want to get the hell out of here before Carly goes on a rampage or something. When I turn to the door, she's leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed. I stare at her and notice the change in her eyes. Disappointment and hurt. And I know that what she's about to say, although I'm not ready for it, is going to hit hard. "When, Sam?" I frown in confusion. "When were you going to tell me you were in prison?"


	13. Letters From Sam

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick note about this chapter: This is a letter chapter. It's not one letter, it's multiple. 
> 
> Each letter starts with "Carly" and ends with "Sam". 
> 
> Please enjoy and review.

_Carly, I know I didn't get to say goodbye and I didn't call you when this happened. I didn't even expect for this to happen, but it did. I guess you're disappointed in me, right? I don't blame you. After all, I did say that I was trying to stay out of trouble, but it's something that I had to do. You see, I have this reputation, and I had to protect it. The guy was mocking me, and I needed to put him in his place. Besides, I needed the money and he put up double what I usually earn. That money was going to go toward a lot of things, including college for me and a graduation present for you and Fredward. But they're saying I'm going to be here for six years and I just want to know that everything between us is going to be okay. I know, this is probably the last straw, I've probably fucked up for the last time, but I want you to know that this_ is _the last time I will ever do it. Too many people have been affected, whether they realize it or not, and I regret everything I've done to this point._

_Melanie was the person I called for my one phone call. I would have called you, but you wouldn't have wanted to hear anything I had to say, not when I couldn't be bailed out. And God only knows how much you and Spencer have had to sacrifice to help me when I didn't even appreciate it or deserve it. I'm the worst best friend in the world, aren't I? Anyway, I guess I should tell you where I am, so that you hear it from me even though Freddork might have already told you. I am in the Washington Corrections Center for Women. I've only been here for two months, and they're letting me do schoolwork. I wish I was graduating with you and the dork, but I screwed that up. Freddork has been writing me for the past week, since he got the address from Melanie, but I haven't gotten back to him yet. I couldn't without writing you a letter first. I need to explain things to you. And if you don't want to talk to me after this, I understand, but I need you to know._

_For the past four years, every Saturday night, I've been fighting for cash. It's better than dealing drugs or prostitution, and I really needed the money, Carly. You know how my mom is. So ever since I was thirteen or fourteen, I don't remember exactly when, I've been doing this. Remember when I would say that my mom needed me for something? I'm sorry I lied, really. Benson followed me one night, watched me fight and everything, and I didn't know he was there until I was wrapping things up with my financial advisor, I guess you could call him. I won't give his name because he's done so much for me and I can't have him in a place like prison. I don't want you to turn him in or anything. Anyway, Benson followed me and when he finally showed himself, we ran before the cops could catch us. Remember the busted knuckles that night? I told you I had an argument with my mom, and I punched the wall. That's not true._

_That night that he followed me, he made me promise him that I would never go there and fight for money again, in exchange that he wouldn't tell you where I had been. I did promise him, and he made me go straight home. A week later was the last night you saw me. I told you that if Benson got seriously hurt, it wouldn't be because of me. Again, I lied. That wasn't intentional, honestly. I did break his promise when I got a fight challenge and he followed me without my knowledge. I was winning the fight, and the guy brought out a knife. Someone had called the cops and I was torn between getting out of there and ending the fight, especially for the fact that he had a knife. But before I could do anything, I was shoved out of the way by none other than Fredward Benson himself. As soon as I hit the ground I was pinned by a cop and restrained. I think I might have blacked out after I saw Benson because I don't remember much between that and jail._

_Benson told me in his letters that his wounds are healing, but whether they heal or not, they're because of me. Every day since, I've felt nothing but guilt and regret because it's my fault he got hurt. I broke my promise to him, and I broke my promise to you. I've never made a worse decision in my life. If I could go back and change everything, I would. But for now, I'll leave you to decide what you want to do._

_Sam_

_Carly, I've written this every day for six months now and you still haven't responded. I've been getting your letters unopened, but I'm not going to stop until you decide to open one and read what I have to say. It's hard not talking to you and I'm really starting to worry about you. Are you mad that I'm in here? Is that why you won't talk to me? God, Carls, I know what I did was wrong, but please just respond. Call me a dirty liar who doesn't deserve to be your best friend. Say anything. Nothing hurts worse than your silence._

_I got into a fight today for the hundredth time since I've been here. There was a new inmate who decided that I was the one to mess with, and I took her out. She stabbed me in the back with a fork. Can you believe that? So now I have these four holes in my back. I'm thinking about getting a tattoo there, just as a reminder that I caused others pain and I'm the guilty one. I deserve it, right? I'm the one who broke trust and promises and got myself into this mess, and I would understand if you never want to talk to me again. You don't need to be wrapped up with a criminal._

_Sam_

_Carly, I'm starting to sound like a broken record. Why aren't you even reading my letters? Burn them for all I care, don't just send them back without even reading them. It's been eighteen months since I've been here and the only people I talk to anymore are Benson, Melanie, and my cellmate. She's not all bad, you know. I didn't even place her face to the crime she was accused of until she told me and even then, I didn't believe her. You see, her best friend killed this guy near where they were supposed to meet up. Her best friend ran and turned her in a few days later. That doesn't make any sense, right? How could someone do that to their best friend? Wait, don't answer that._

_Look, I don't care if you read these. I only write them so I have reason to live, something to look forward to every day when I wake up. My cellmate, Burch, she's sort of like you. Only she's not prissy. Her brother was in the military, but he was killed in action. She has a tattoo on her back, a memorial for him, and from what she tells me, he was a great guy. He had a daughter, Carls, a daughter who will grow up knowing that her father was a hero. I hope to meet her one day, after you and I see each other again. She says…she thinks I have feelings for you. She says that when I talk about Benson, it's like I'm talking about a relative, but when I talk about you, she says it's different. But I don't. I can't. Just pretend you didn't even see that._

_Sam_

_Carly, it's been four years since I got arrested and I still haven't heard from you. Do you really hate me? I guess I know now that our friendship is over, that you want nothing to do with me, but I can't accept that. I will find a way to earn your trust and soon I'll be out of here. Benson tells me you still live at Bushwell, but that's the only thing he'll ever answer about you. How was the college life? Did you enjoy it? I wish I was able to experience it with you, like the best friend I should have been. God, I hate myself. I hate myself for getting into this mess. I find myself missing you more and more each day and I'm worried that it's going to be too much to even wake up in the morning. I hope you can forgive me for what I've done and just let things go back to the way they were._

_Sam_

_Hey, Carly, I get out in a week. I'm excited and nervous at the same time because I don't know what's waiting for me when I return. Are you going to be pissed off at me and want nothing to do with me? Are you going to tell me that you're so disappointed that you don't want to be my best friend anymore? Will you be there when I come back? Or is everything I'm saying absolutely pointless? Am I wasting my time? God, I wish you would just answer me so I know what's in store for me. Well, I guess I've said all I can, and this is the last letter I'll write._

_Sam_


	14. Avoid Like the Plague

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place 3 days after Chapter 12. Please enjoy and review.

I lean against my closed bedroom door and bang the back of my head against it repeatedly. How could I have been so stupid to not know that she would have figured out everything on her own? She's not stupid and it doesn't help that I had my back turned to the door. She saw it. She figured everything out because I'm such an idiot that I couldn't even notice that the gears were turning in her head at just about everything I said and did. Good going, Puckett, you missed the obvious. There's a knock on the door and I freeze, hoping it's not Carly. But before I can lock it, I'm shoved forward as someone opens the door. Turning to face the intruder, I find myself staring at my mirror. She's frowning, concerned, and I rub the back of my head, finally noticing the pain there from beating my door with it. My blonde copy crosses her arms and bites her bottom lip. "What happened?" she asks. "You've been locked in here for the past three days and you haven't said so much as a word to Sloan or me. Mom's even wondering what's up with you and I had to lie and say that you were sick. Do you want to talk about it?"

I cross my room to my bed and sit down on the edge, arms crossed. "She figured it out before I could tell her. I was gone for six years, I told her I couldn't come back if I wanted to until recently, Burch had said she had gotten out and I had told Carly that she was a friend from where I was. She said it was weird how Benson never said a word about me _or_ about how he hurt his arms. The other morning, I changed my shirt with my back to the door and she saw my tattoo and she wanted to know why I would ever mark my skin like I did." I sigh and look at her. "Maybe I should have told her when I got back." I shake my head. "That's why she drank that night, Mel. She was pissed off because I have been lying to her ever since I got back, and she figured it out. God, I'm so stupid!"

My twin nods. "Stupid you are, Sam, but you were afraid of her disappointment. No matter what, you probably would have ended up with the same result. But if Carly's truly your friend, she _will_ forgive you. You both have been through so much together and apart and yet you're still friends at the end of the day. Just give her time." I nod and watch her leave my room. After a few minutes, she pokes her head back in. "Do you want something to eat?" I nod again and she smiles before leaving me completely alone.

" _Uh…what?" I try to act like I don't know what she's talking about, but she knows me enough to know I'm lying. How did she find out? Did Benson or Spencer tell her? Did Melanie or Burch? Wait, maybe she saw my tattoo and figured it out that way? Son of a bitch, I'm stupid. She's staring at me with a hardened expression, and I can't tell whether she's disappointed or just plain pissed off that I didn't tell her. I take a deep breath. "Carly, I wanted to tell you, I just didn't know how to."_

" _That doesn't tell me_ why _you didn't, Sam." She shakes her head. "You're dense, you know that? Ever since you got back, I guess I sort of knew. I mean, you said it wasn't your choice that you were gone and that you couldn't come back. God, Sam, when you came back you looked like a scared puppy that had been kicked too many times. I didn't know if it was because you were nervous to be around me or if you were guilty about something that you didn't want me to find out or if you had something you_ did _want to tell me. I ignored it until your friend met up with us at Groovy Smoothie. She had said she just got out and you said that you had befriended her where you were, but it wasn't completely your choice. She was your cellmate, wasn't she? Jeez, Sam, she looks just like me. Not like a twin or anything, but you know what I mean."_

_I nod and sigh. "Carly, I wrote to you every single day I was locked up. I even have the letters and everything because they were returned to me unopened." She frowns in confusion. "I found out when I came back that they had been intercepted before you even got them. Didn't you find it funny that Spencer and Freddie always checked your mail?" Her eyes go wide with realization and I nod. "Don't be mad at them. I talked to Freddork about it and he asked me if I could have lived with hurting you by getting myself into this mess. I guess you would have been hurt either way."_

_Carly crosses the room to her bed and sits on the end. "Freddie knew where you were the whole time. I knew he was lying about his arms, but he told me to drop it. He never wanted to talk about you at all and he'd get this distant look. I thought maybe he just missed you or something, but then I started thinking maybe you had something to do with his arms." I cross my arms, offended she would think I would go that far in hurting him. "Not directly! I just mean maybe you would know why his arms were messed up." I sit next to her. "How_ did _he get hurt?"_

_I shrug. "He took hits that were meant for me." I sigh. "I was fighting someone, and they pulled a knife and he shoved me out of the way and took the attack." I sound like a fucking video game. "I didn't even know he was there until I was being cuffed. And I didn't know if he was okay until he wrote me and told me he was. He even came and visited, and I was so glad that he was okay, but the guilt's been eating me alive, Carls. If I hadn't been there, he wouldn't have gotten hurt and I wouldn't have been away from you for so long." I bite my tongue. Why did I say that? She raises her brow. "You're my best friend, Carly. We've never been separated for so long and you weren't responding, so I was afraid that you didn't want to be my friend and…" She covers my mouth with her hand._

" _You talk too much, Sam." Before I could react, her lips were on mine. It was a brief kiss, meant to shut me up, but my control slipped, and I kiss her, pushing her back and straddling her hips. Her hands push at my shoulders and I pull away, staring at her in shock. Climbing off of her, I back away toward the door and she sits up, frowning. "Sam…what?" I shake my head and run from her room, hearing her voice call my name. I keep running, almost knocking Benson over as I leave the apartment, and I don't stop until I reach my apartment building._

I shake my head at the memory and go to the kitchen, where Mel is making sandwiches. Burch sits on the couch in the living room, eating her own sandwich and watching some documentary on gangs or something. My sister glances at the TV every now and then over the bar and looks at me. "There's your sandwich," she says, pointing to the largest sandwich I've seen in a while, and I nod, picking up the plate. My phone vibrates and I roll my eyes. Benson wants to know what's up with Carly. I shoot him a reply and dig into my sandwich. I don't even feel like eating but starving myself isn't going to help anything. I'm a coward. I ran because I kissed Carly, and why? Why did I kiss her? She never ran away, but she also never made it more than it was. Maybe Burch is right. Maybe I do care for Carly beyond best friendship. I don't want to. Our friendship is way more important to me than the feelings that I may or may not be feeling toward her. My phone vibrates again, this time as a phone call. Carly's calling me. I sigh and end the call, finishing my sandwich. I don't want to talk to her right now. I don't feel like listening to her interrogation, asking me why I ran away or why I kissed her. I don't want to deal with the questions right now. She calls again. And again. And again. Mel looks at me and sighs. "Are you going to talk to her or not, Sam? It seems like she wants to talk to you if she keeps fucking calling." I raise my brow at my sister's language, but she grabs my arm and drags me to my room. "Talk to her and don't come out until you do. You can't run from her this time."

She slams my door behind me, and I sigh, tossing my phone onto my bed. I'll just stay in here and ignore it, and just keep thinking about what a total idiot I am for even getting myself into this situation. If I hadn't been fighting, Benson wouldn't have gotten hurt, I wouldn't have gone to prison, I wouldn't have met Burch, Burch wouldn't have put this idea in my head of wanting Carly as more than a friend, and I wouldn't be sitting in my room wishing everything had been different. My phone vibrates again and I'm so close to throwing it against the wall so it'll never work again, but I don't. I sigh and pick up the phone, answering it before it hangs up this time. "Carly, listen, before you even say anything, I want you to know that I don't know what the hell that was. I didn't mean for it to be more than it should have been. I'm an absolute idiot for doing that and even more stupid for keeping the fact that I was in prison. I understand if you don't want to be friends ever again, just know that I'm sorry."

"Sam, shut up and open your fucking window." I frown and turn to my bedroom window, where Carly is standing with her cell phone to her ear. I cross the room and open the window, helping her into the room. She instantly starts pacing after she hangs up her phone and I watch, wondering why she's here. When she stops and looks at me, the first thought in my head is that she's going to tell me off for avoiding her for the past three days or for running away from her or even for not telling her about prison. She sighs and drops her arms. "Okay, I'm over the whole prison thing. That's not why I'm here and I'm not about to make this about that." She takes a deep breath. "I've spent the past three days trying to figure out what the fuck I did wrong to make you run away and avoid me. It's something I did, right?" I shake my head and she throws her hands up. "Then what is it? I've been trying to call you and you're _avoiding_ me like I'm the fucking plague."

I watch her pace again. "Carly, stay still or you'll make me sick. I can't stand it when you pace." She stops and stares at me and I grab the bundle of letters off of my desk, all addressed to her. "You don't have to read these now, but it explains everything." She takes them and sets them on my bed. "As for why I've been avoiding you, Carly, I don't know what else to do. I mean, you kissed me and then I kissed you, and I guess I was scared that it wasn't the same and that I royally screwed up and I'm just…I'm sorry." She wraps her arms around my waist and hugs me, burying her face in my neck. And I know that she isn't mad at me and that she isn't going to leave me. And whether I have feelings for her and she has feelings for me, it doesn't matter. I'm okay with that.


	15. Do You Forgive Me?

I lie on my back, arms pillowing my head, and stare at the ceiling while Carly reads the letters. It's been four hours and she's making me nervous, the way she keeps glancing at me every few minutes. Burch and Mel have been watching some comedy or something, their high-pitched squeals of laughter carrying through my door from the living room. Seriously, my sister is such a priss. I close my eyes, singing a random song in my head, and finally I hear the rustling of paper. Carly's been silent this entire time, even in flipping the letters, and I open one eye to find her staring at me. Did I do something wrong? She still doesn't speak, turning to face me entirely, and I watch as she crawls across my bed to me, straddling my thighs. "Sam…if I had known…"

I hold up my hand to cut her off and she threads her fingers through mine, pulling me into a sitting position. Before I could even react, her lips are on mine, her free hand dragging her arm around my waist. When my brain finally processes what's going on, I kiss her back, tangling my hand in her hair. Before we get carried away, I pull away slightly, enough to break the kiss, and her eyes meet mine. "It was hell, wondering why you weren't responding. I never should have done something so stupid, but I did, and Benson got hurt. I promised you he wouldn't ever be hurt by me." I sigh. "I'm going to live with the guilt my entire life, Carls."

She grabs my free hand so she has both and smiles. "I'm sure Freddie has forgiven you. If you don't think he has, then go talk to him. And if you're worried that I don't forgive you, you shouldn't be. I forgive you, Sam." She kisses me again, briefly, and rests her forehead against mine. "You had no way of knowing that Freddie was there." She sighs. "I had a feeling you were lying to me that night, you know. Melanie called me right after you left, telling me she was going to be home the following week." I frown. She knew this whole time and didn't say anything. She shrugs. "I just figured you were going to go do something illegal, and I really didn't want to know. You seemed to be invincible when it came to the cops, never getting caught for anything you did."

"Well, I did." I look away from her. "I fucked up royally and I was thrown in fucking prison. I wish I could go back and change everything, but I can't and it's just going to be some stupid fucking memory that I can't get rid of." I fall back into my pillows and groan, my eyes focused on the ceiling. "Carls…do you hate me? Are you disappointed or anything? I need to know, and I want you to be honest."

"Sam, I've kissed you more than once. I'm pretty sure that means I don't hate you. And the only thing I'm disappointed about is the fact that you didn't tell me you were in prison." She leans forward, her hands on either side of my shoulders, and I look up at her. "So…Sloan seems to think you have feelings for me?" I nod. "What brought that on?" I shrug and return my gaze toward the ceiling. "Sam…"

I sigh and close my eyes. "I told you in one of the letters. She assumed that since I talked about you all the time and the way I talked about you, she thought I cared about you more than as just a friend. I disagreed." I glance up at her and realize she's frowning. "God, Carly, I don't know. There's a part of me that just…that wants to believe her and take this chance of being with you, no matter what anyone has to say about it. But then there's the other part of me that doesn't believe it and just wants to be friends." I take a deep breath. "Carls, you're my best friend. I don't want to lose that. I don't want there to be a chance that we break up and nothing is the same anymore. I don't want that. I can't do that."

Of course, Melanie had to choose that exact moment to barge into my room. Carly didn't move, just turned to look at her. I groan and glare at my sister until she backs out of the room, closing the door behind her. Carly collapsed on top of me, her forehead on my shoulder. "She has the worst timing, Sam," is her muffled complaint and I sigh, trying not to laugh. She pulls away and frowns in confusion. "How is this funny? Melanie just came in here and now she probably thinks that it was way more than it actually was…" I grin.

"That's why it's funny, Carls. We're talking about how this most likely won't work out between us and the way she sees it, you're taking advantage of me." I burst with laughter and she blushes a deep scarlet. The thought itself makes me laugh, but if I were in Mel's shoes, I would think the same thing. Carly is, after all, on top of me. I smirk. "Come on, Carly, it's been forever since we did anything really fun like this." I give her the best Puckett pout I can manage.

She rolls her eyes and sighs. "Fine, we mess with Mel for you and you go on a date with me for me." I raise my brow. "You only said why _you_ don't think this will work." I completely forgot to even ask Carly how she feels about me. I guess I already figured since she keeps kissing me that something's there, but I guess we could give it a try. I nod and she kisses me before jumping off of the bed. Her foot catches on my leg and she trips in the process and I try so hard not to laugh when she face-plants the carpet. "I should have done that differently…" she mutters, standing up. I smirk and slip off of the bed, brushing her hair back to examine the red mark that was going to be a bump soon on her forehead. I kiss it and she smiles before taking my hand.

"Before we do this, are you going to be okay if I don't feel the same? I don't want to get your hopes up and break your heart." She nods and pulls me toward the door. "Kitchen," I whisper in her ear, and she nods, leading me to the kitchen. I wrap my arms around her waist, pushing her up against the counter and kissing her gently. Her arms are around my neck, her leg creeping up mine and wrapping around my hip. I can feel eyes on us for a minute and smirk into the kiss. I grip Carly's hips and lift her onto the counter, her legs wrapping around my waist. My mouth moves to her neck and she bites back a laugh and I can't help but grin.

"Why don't you get a room?" Mel suggests with a hint of annoyance and disturbance in her voice. "We make food on that counter." And she's so serious, which makes this so much funnier. I can even hear Burch snort with laughter and Melanie just scoffs, as if she can't find the joke that everyone else seems to be in on. Funny thing is, Burch doesn't know that this isn't real, but she's always been amused by the Puckett "seriousness".

I laugh and pull away with Carly enough to grin at my sister. "We had a room, but you interrupted us." I help Carly off the counter and kiss her cheek before turning to Melanie. "Carly climbed through my window and we were just about to have some fun before you so kindly barged into my room." I smirk. "If you wanted to watch, you could have just said something." Carly smacks my wrist and Melanie's face has gone completely red with embarrassment. "Damn, sis, calm down. I'm just messing with you."

Carly's cell phone rang, and she curses, disappearing into my room. Burch raises her brow. "So, you and Carly are…" I shrug and Melanie looks incredulous. I ignore her and slide the door open to the balcony. I almost light a cigarette before I remember that Carly's in the apartment and hand it to Sloan when she joins me. "You're still confused about how you feel, aren't you?" she asks. I nod and stare out across the city. "Then what was that in the kitchen?"

I shrug and smirk at her. "We were just fucking with Mel's head since she barged in my room and completely misread the situation. We're just…I don't know. She definitely likes me, we're both clear on that. And…I agreed to go on a date with her. I just don't know how I feel yet. I mean, I want to, but I don't." She nods. "This is why I hate emotions. They're just so damn confusing and someone always ends up hurt."

She nods in understanding. "I'm not telling you how to feel, but I think you should go for it. You never know what could happen. Hell, you could end up making out in a movie theater." We both laugh at that. "In all seriousness, you guys do look right for each other. Ever since I got here, if I didn't know any better, I'd think the two of you were happily married." I raise my brow. "You know what, Puckett, just go for it. Fuck what the other Puckett and I have to say and just go with it. You might just surprise yourself." The glass door opens and Carly steps out onto the balcony. "I'm going to go back to the show, if you'll excuse me."

I watch Burch toss her cigarette and return to the living room. Carly moves to occupy the other chair, but I grab her wrist and pull her to me, sitting her in my lap and wrapping my arms around her waist. She leans back into me and I rest my chin on her shoulder. "That was Freddie on the phone. He just wanted to know where I was and if I was okay. You know how he is…"

"Yeah, what a nub," I mutter, and she slaps my arm. "I know, Carls. You know I don't mean it. Ever since I went to prison, Benson and I have…gotten closer? I guess I could say that. I mean, hell, I…never mind." She glances over her shoulder at me and I sigh. I almost slipped about the night we ran into Darren. "I almost got him killed," I say instead, knowing I'm going to get another lecture about how the dork will forgive me. It doesn't come. "I need to talk to him. Do you want to stay here with Mel and Burch while I meet up with him and do that?" She nods slowly and I kiss just behind her ear. "I'd ask you to come with me, but this is between the nerd and me and as much as we share with you and everything…"

She cuts me off. "Sam, I get it. Just go and talk to him. I'll be here when you get back." Sliding off my lap, she grabs my hand and pulls me to my feet, kissing me one last time before dragging me through the apartment to the front door and shoving me out into the hall. Aggressive, isn't she? Jeez. I text Fredward, telling him to meet me in the alley, and make sure no one's following me as I head toward the bar. To my surprise, he's already there, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed.

"You know, this place brings back so many memories," he says, his eyes not meeting mine. "I'm glad Carly knows, though. Now things can go back to normal, right?" He smirks. "She told me you don't think I've forgiven you. That's why we're here…well, why you're here anyway. I've been here for a while, trying to remember a few things." He nods toward the ground a few feet away and I notice the bloodstain for the first time. "When they took you away, I saw your face. I wish I didn't, but I did. I guess that's why I keep telling you that this wasn't your fault." He finally looks at me. "The guilt is killing you, isn't it?" I nod. He shakes his head and reaches for my hand, which I let him take. "Sam, I never blamed you. Not once, not even in the hospital when I woke up. It's no one's fault but the asshole who decided to bring a knife to a fist fight." He sighs. "If it helps, I _do_ forgive you. I forgive you for breaking your promise that you'd never come back and fight, I forgive you for putting yourself in a dangerous position, and I forgive you for all you've ever done to me. _I forgive you._ " I can't stop the tears as they fall, and he pulls me into a hug, stroking my hair. "Sam, it's over. You can put all of this behind you and just live life now." He kisses the side of my head and I pull away.

"Freddie, things aren't going to go back to normal. I…Carly has feelings for me, and I think I might feel the same for her, but I don't know." Benson nods, unsurprised. I guess Carly already told him. "Will it change anything between the three of us? I mean, I don't want to make a decision based on what other people think, but I don't want to fuck things up and make it impossible for us to even be in the same room and what if we break up and she just…"

Benson stops me with a finger to my lips and shakes his head. "It will be fine, Sam. Carly's made her decision and I just want her to be happy. I want you to be happy too, and if that's the two of you together as more than friends, then so be it." I nod and kiss his cheek before turning to walk back to my apartment building. "Hey, Sam," he calls, and I turn to him one last time. "Just whatever you do, don't hurt her." I nod and leave him staring after me.


	16. Date Night

I stand nervously in the elevator, waiting to reach the eighth floor. Never had I done this before, and I didn't know what to do. I'd never dated anyone and even if I had, I wouldn't have been doing the picking up and planning, at least not until now. I should have talked to Spencer first or something, but what if he didn't know Carly was interested in 'more than friends' with another _girl_? The doors open and I take a deep breath before navigating the hallway to 8C. I raise my fist to knock and the door swings open, Spencer standing there. I forget that they finally told me I don't have to knock anymore, but this is different. I don't want to walk in and screw up. He pulls me into a hug and leaves the apartment, tossing his keys as he heads for the elevator.

Carly comes down the stairs and I almost stop breathing. She's wearing a black tee, dark denim skinny jeans and black sneakers. Her clothes are really nothing special, something she would have worn regardless, but for some reason it makes my stomach flop in a 'not-just-friends' way. Or maybe I'm just really, _really_ nervous. She smiles when she sees me and I cross the room, wrapping my arms around her waist. She wraps her arms around my neck, and I kiss her cheek. "So where are we going?" she whispers and I shake my head, pulling away from her.

"It's a surprise," I tell her, threading my fingers with hers and pulling her through the open apartment door into the hall. She closes and locks the door behind her and walks closer to me than usual as we start for the elevator. I push the button for the lobby and smile as Carly tries to figure out where we're going. Once we reach the ground floor, we could go anywhere. The doors open and I lead Carly through the lobby, ignoring Lewbert and his excessive complaining. Benson's parked just outside, and Carly raises her brow at me. "Freddork _does_ know, and he's our chauffer for the night." _You have no idea how much begging I had to do…_

The nub opens the backdoor of his car and Carly slides in. I mouth a 'thank you' to the dork before joining Carly and he shuts the door behind me. Climbing into the driver seat, he glances in the rearview mirror at us and raises his brow. Carly doesn't catch it, but I do, and I flash a smile. He shrugs and starts his car, driving toward our destination. Carly smiles, watching the world pass as Frednub drives, and I see our stop ahead. The brunette next to me ducks to look out the windshield and I smirk as her eyes go wide with realization. Fredward parks on the side of the road and waits as a car passes before he climbs out and opens the backdoor. I slide out first, kissing his cheek, and reach for Carly's hand to help her out of the car. Threading her fingers with mine, she copies my action and kisses Benson's cheek. "Thank you, Freddie," she whispers, and we turn toward the entrance, leaving him behind us. The elevator to the observation deck is slow and Carly takes the opportunity to bombard me with questions. "When did you plan this? _How_ did you plan this? God, Sam, this is amazing."

I silence her with a kiss to the cheek and the doors finally open, introducing us to the observation deck. There's a restaurant here, not on this deck, but after a few calls and Puckett accessibility I was able to arrange a private event here, catered by the restaurant of course. No one, aside from the waiter and ourselves, was allowed here for the next two hours. Leading her to the single table near the window, I pull out her seat for her and push her in before taking my own seat. After all, I have to be…a gentleman? The waiter approaches us from where he stood waiting and we both order our sodas. There won't be any alcohol tonight, not with the brunette lightweight across the table from me. I didn't want a repeat of the club. He nods and leaves, and Carly grins at me. "To answer your question, Carly, I've been planning this all week. As for how I did this, that's my secret." I smile. "This isn't even the whole date."

She stares at me. "You mean, there's more?" I nod slowly. "Sam, you didn't have to be so…amazing." I grin and the waiter returns with our drinks. We order our food and watch as he leaves again. She takes a sip of her soda. "Seriously, Sam, this is great. But when I said a date, I thought we would just go see a movie or something." I shrug. Soon the food arrives, after Carly tells me about how insanely amazing I am. Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating, but just barely. She still can't get over the fact that I went above and beyond for this date. I smile at the waiter as he leaves again and turn to Carly.

"If you still want to see a movie, we can do that after we eat. We don't have to do anything else I thought we could do." She flushes and shakes her head, and I know that she thought she was ruining the date already. I smirk. "Relax, Carls, that's what I already had in mind. The only other things I could find were really cheesy and even though I personally know a violinist, I didn't think you'd want to deal with another cliché added to this one." I smirk. "But the whole 'dinner and a movie' thing is a little overrated, don't you think?" She blushes and I laugh. Carly is big on clichés so I could have had a plane fly by with a banner and she would have thought it was great. Benson comes in handy more than I thought. As we eat, there's no awkward silences, no excessive monologue. It's just Carly and Sam, date included.

We thank the waiter while he cleans the table and takes the dishes, and Carly stands at the window. We still have another thirty minutes to ourselves here, although I'm not going to tell Carly that. I don't want her to feel rushed. I stand behind her, my arms slipping around her waist and she leans back against me. "Dinner was amazing, Sam. You really didn't have to try so hard to make this perfect, though." I smile against her hair and stare out across the Seattle skyline. "Did you do this just to make me happy? Or does it actually mean something?"

I turn her to face me, my arms still around her waist. "This is to make you happy, yes, but I think just a simple smoothie from Groovy Smoothie would have done that." She frowns in confusion. "Carly, really, I don't think I would have gone this far if I didn't feel _something._ " She smiles and kisses me before turning back to the skyline. I guess it _is_ true, though. When I started planning this date, at first I was thinking about Groovy Smoothie and then a movie or something, but as the week progressed, I realized the need for perfection and it only makes sense that since half of me wants to be with Carly as more than friends, that I should give this a chance. I check my watch. We have ten minutes now, long enough to take the elevator to ground floor and meet with Benson. "Come on, Carls, we have to go."

She frowns but doesn't protest as I take her hand and lead her to the elevator. The ride is long, but we finally reach the ground floor and Benson's waiting outside for us. He opens the door and we slide into the backseat, closer than before. The next stop is the mall, where Melanie and Burch are going to join the three of us, but the three of them are seeing a different movie and eating at the food court.

The movie was annoyingly stupid. It was supposed to be a horror movie, which I assume was Carly's excuse to hang onto me, but there was no gore and I couldn't even laugh at how idiotic it was. Carly wasn't even afraid of it. She just kept looking at me as if to say, 'seriously?' and I could only shake my head and sigh. As soon as the end credits started rolling, I grab her hand and drag her out of the theater, nearly knocking people over in the process. We head for the food court to get far away from the theater and its stupid movies and notice Freddie, Mel, and Burch sitting at a table. They look up when we sit at the neighboring table and raise their brows at our expressions. "We are never seeing that movie again," Carly tells them. "And we don't recommend that you do either. It was dumb as fuck." I smirk at her language and she shoots me a glare. "What's funny? _You_ couldn't even laugh in it."

I shrug. "It's okay, babe. We'll see another movie." More raised brows and I grin. "Oh yeah, this date is the first of many." Carly smiles and I grab a fry from Freddork's tray, sticking my tongue out at him before popping the fry in my mouth. I turn my eyes to Carly and grin. "So, when does your movie start?" I ask the other three, my eyes still locked with Carly's. "Not that I'm trying to get rid of you guys or anything," I add, knowing they'd probably make some smartass remark about it.

Melanie answers. " _Our_ movie starts in fifteen minutes. And we know you're trying to get rid of us." I roll my eyes and look at her. "Oh come on, Sam. You're on a date with Carly. Why you came to us in the first place is beyond me." I smirk and watch as they throw out their trash. "Text Freddie when you're ready to go. Sloan and I will probably head home before then." Carly and I nod and watch them leave, Benson following the girls.

I turn back to Carly and reach across the table for her hand. "So, do you have anything in mind until their movie's done?" She plays with my fingers and shrugs and I watch as she pinches each finger. After she does the same thing to all ten fingers, she looks up at me and I smirk. "Are you having fun?" She nods with a smile. "We could always go back to that horrible movie and, you know, not watch it," I tell her, wiggling my eyebrows suggestively. She laughs and shrugs.

"We could." I stare at her in shock, not expecting that response. She giggles. "Or we don't have to, if you don't want to. We could always just walk around the mall and window shop." I stand and grab her hand, leading her away from the food court. As we pass the entertainment store, I hear a voice call behind us. The only reason I know they're talking about us is the fact that the word 'dyke' was used. I tighten my grip on Carly's hand and we walk faster, but this jerk won't let up. I stop and Carly yanks on my hand to keep me moving. She knows what I'm about to do. "Sam, please, just come on," she whispers. I shake my head.

Letting go of her hand, I turn around to face the asshole that's coming up on us. "I suggest you leave me the fuck alone," I warn him. He keeps coming, insults getting worse by the second. I hear Carly saying my name behind me, and her hands grab my arm, but I shake her off. To this asshole it's disgusting for two girls to be together. I'm fucking sick of people like this. He's close enough that my fist moves by its own accord, connecting with his jaw. He stumbles back, spitting curses at me and even a few at Carly. Just implication toward her makes me shove him, kicking him in the ribs. I kick until the guy is coughing and drools blood and grab him by the hair, my mouth close to his ear. "Listen here, you stupid asshole. If you _ever_ come near me or my girlfriend again, I swear to God I will personally end you."

Carly pulls me away from him and I see security out of the corner of my eye, hand on his taser. Oh fuck. I grab Carly's hand and drag her behind me, breaking into a run. Surprisingly she keeps up with me and we sprint from the mall, through the parking lot and across the highway, narrowly missing cars. I pull her into an alley and slam her against the wall in the darkness, my face buried in the crook of her neck. I hear sirens, but I don't care. I royally fucked up back there and I _know_ Carly is furious with me. Before I can stop myself, the tears are streaming down my face and soaking her shirt and she's holding me close, but she's not _trying_ to comfort me. I messed up. "Why, Sam? Why couldn't you just ignore him?"

I can't answer her. There was no reason, aside from the fact that I can't ignore someone that talks shit about my best fucking friend, and he deserved it. He deserves so much more than a few possible broken ribs, at least I hope they're broken. I fist my hands in her shirt, my arms tight around her. "I'm so sorry," I whisper, almost begging her to forgive me. "Carly, I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry. I shouldn't have. You hate me. Oh God, I'm such an idiot."

She shoves me away from her and I want to crawl under a rock. Hell, I hope the fucking rock crushes me until I'm dead. If I'm dead, I can't hurt Carly. "Sam, you're so fucking ridiculous." I wince and she sighs. "Why is it that every time you do something that I automatically hate you? I don't. I just wish you had ignored that asshole and we would have been fine. I can't…" She looks away and I hang my head in shame, hating myself. Now she's going to say we can't be together. "Sam, I can't be with someone who will get into a fight anytime someone says something bad about us." Her sneakers come into view, but I don't look up, even as her arms slide around my neck. She kisses my forehead and tilts my head back, her lips instantly meeting mine. My arms return around her waist and all that's running in my head is that this is our last kiss. After nearly three minutes, she finally pulls away and rests her forehead against mine, our eyes locked. "I can't be with someone who has the temper of a rabid dog." I frown and she kisses me again. She's confusing the hell out of me. When she pulls away this time, I'm the one who speaks.

"We've been through worse, though, haven't we?"


	17. Confessed Faults are Half Mended

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've reached the end. Please enjoy and review.

Melanie, Benson, and Burch sit on the couch, watching me with disappointment in their eyes. I sink further into the recliner, not wanting to hear them lecture me about what I did was wrong, but knowing Mel and Freddork, that's what's going to happen any minute now. Burch gets it, why I did it, I know she does. That's why she isn't angry about this, or confused, or anything like the other two are. And what's worse is they've known me the longest and about how violent I can be, and they _have_ to know that I did it for Carly. But then again, Carly isn't talking to me. It's been a fucking week, and she hasn't looked at me since she called Benson to pick us up.

The room is so quiet I can hear the clock ticking, pounding in my ears so loud it's deafening, and I look away from my prosecutors, wishing they would just yell at me or something. That's what I deserve, isn't it? I think the worst part about this, aside from Carly ignoring me, is the fact that they only have _her_ side of the story. Unless they figured it out, they don't know the why. And it's really not fair for them to judge me based on Carly's perspective of the fight. Is it? You know what? I already know I fucked up. I just wish they would hurry up and fucking say so.

_I stare at her, hurt when she pulls away from me, and she sighs. "Yeah, Sam, we've been through worse, but this is different. We're not just friends, or at least I thought we weren't." I nod. "I'm going to call Freddie, tell him where to pick us up." She walks away from me with her cell phone and I watch as she paces, telling Benson in fast forward where we are and to come pick us up. She won't look at me, won't say anything, and I don't blame her. I messed up and I deserve to be ignored by her. Hell, I wouldn't blame her if she never wants to speak to me again. Benson's car parks at the end of the alley and we slide into the backseat before he could even get out and open the door for us. He looks in the rearview mirror at us and I shake my head at him._

_He sighs and drives toward Bushwell, parking in the front. I feel even worse, knowing that we interrupted the movie for him to come drive us home, and when Carly kisses my cheek and climbs out of the car, I lean back in the seat and my eyes meet Benson's. "I'm sorry for ruining your night, Freddie. Go and enjoy the rest of it. I can walk home." Just as I reach for the door handle, he locks the door and shakes his head, pulling out onto the road in the direction of my apartment building. I thank him and slip out of the car, dragging myself through the lobby to the stairs. I don't care about the walk, and it's better than sulking in the elevator._

Benson crosses his arms and clears his throat. I guess I zoned out or something. They've been trying to get me to talk for the better part of the week, but I always managed to get out of the apartment to avoid this. "Why would you do something so reckless?" Mel asks. "You were in the middle of a crowded mall. People saw what you did. And it took a lot of shit for me to prove that I wasn't the one who beat the hell out of that guy. But now I'm never allowed to go into the mall either. Neither is Carly. You seriously fucked up, Sam. You could have just ignored him and continued your date with Carly. God, you were doing so well. It took everything to convince the cops that we would keep you out of trouble and for them not to come after you and throw your ass in jail again." Just for the record, I've never heard Mel curse so much. She's beyond furious.

"It took three days for Carly to finally tell us what happened," Benson tells me. "She didn't want to talk to anyone, and Spencer even says she's locked herself in her room. She doesn't know what to do now, Sam. She tried for you. She _knew_ that you're violent, but she wanted to believe you changed after being in prison. You've been living in guilt because of what happened, and we thought that would have changed you." He sighs. "How could you just…"

I cut him off. "First off, Benson, you _only_ have Carly's side. Yeah, you ask why I did it, but you don't even give me a chance to explain. Do you want to know why I did it? Bigots like that _deserve_ to have their asses kicked if they can't keep their mouths shut. Everything was going fine with Carly, and honestly, I didn't want to fight the bastard. I have reflexes, Benson. I've already told you _why_ I do shit." I shake my head. "None of it even fucking matters anymore, right? Carly can't even _look_ at me and she's ignored all of my phone calls. So, I'm sorry if I don't need you to tell me I fucked up because I already know."

I stand and walk into my room, slamming my door behind me. I need to talk to Carly, one way or another. I climb out the window and maneuver to the ground, dropping into a run toward Bushwell Plaza. Taking the stairs because they were faster, I reach the eighth floor and head down the hallway to 8C. Knocking on the door, I try to catch my breath and look up at Spencer when he opens the door. "Sam…what's up with Carly?" he asks. She hasn't told him.

"Let me in and if anyone asks, I'm not here. I need to talk to her." He nods and steps aside. I pass him into the apartment and climb the stairs. Carly's bedroom door is closed, and I don't want to barge in at the chance that she'll hate me even more. I sigh and tap my knuckles against the door. "Carly, it's me. Please open the door." There's a thud against the door and I'm sure she just threw something at it to get me to go away. "I'm not going anywhere. I just want to talk to you." I rest my forehead against the door and hear the lock. The door moves away from me and I'm staring at a strange Carly. "I'm sorry, Carly. I should have ignored that asshole. But I couldn't. I hate when people disrespect you and I know I fucked up."

Carly shakes her head and crosses her arms, her eyes meeting mine for the first time in a week. She opens her mouth to speak and closes it again, as if she can't find words to say. I nod, knowing she's heard enough, and she isn't going to say anything, and turn away from her. Her fingers snap around my wrist and before I can react, she has me against the wall, her lips on mine and her body pressed against mine. She has my wrists pinned to the wall so I can't move, and I don't think I could even if I wanted to. After a few moments she finally pulls away and rests her forehead against mine. "I'm sorry." I raise my brow and she sighs. "If I hadn't asked you to go on a date with me, we never would have had to deal with an asshole bigot. And you wouldn't have gotten into a fight defending my honor, or whatever the hell you want to call it. I realize why you did it, and I think I may have overreacted."

I shake my head. "No, Carls, I shouldn't have done it. It's my fault. It's always my fault, believe me." She shakes her head slowly and I sigh. "Alright, I won't say it's my fault. But it's not yours either. It's that bastard who fucked this up. If it wasn't for him, we would have had fun on our date…and…" I trail off because of the footsteps coming up the stairs. I push Carly a little and she lets go of me, stepping back, and we both look at Spencer.

"Oh hey, you brought Carly out. Did you guys make-up yet?" he asks. Carly nods and I raise a brow at her. Did we just make-up? He grins and hugs both of us. "That's good because I can't stand to see the two of you unhappy and not together." I stare at him. "Oh, come on, Sam, it was kind of obvious last week when you came to pick up Carly. I knew you guys were going on a date." I look at Carly, who blushes. Spencer smirks. "You didn't think I knew, did you? Guess I should have waited until you told me…" He rubs the back of his neck. “Anyway, I just came up here to tell you that I'm going to run to the store. Do you guys need anything?"

We shake our heads and watch him walk away. I turn to Carly. "Did you know?" She shakes her head and smiles, grabbing my hand and pulling me into her room, kicking the door shut behind us. "Oh, by the way, if Benson or Melanie calls, I'm not here," I tell her, and she raises her brow. "I told them why I did it, locked myself in my room, and snuck out." She nods and smirks, pushing me down on her bed. "Don't you think this is a little soon?" I tease and she rolls her eyes, sitting next to me.

"You're still the same old Sam," she mutters under her breath and I poke her side, causing her to jump and glare at me. I grin and shift, snuggling up in her pillows. Sometimes I forget her bed is so much more comfortable than mine. She grabs the TV remote from her bedside table and hands it to me before lying down next to me, her head on my chest and an arm around my waist. I play with her hair and turn on Girly Cow. "This show is _still_ on?" she asks. I guess she hasn't watched it in a while. I nod and try to focus on the show. Carly doesn't make it easy. "Can I ask you something, Sam?" She tilts her head back to look at me and I kiss her with a smile. "The tattoo on your back…" I frown, "why does it say that?"

I shrug. "It's a Scottish proverb. When I was in prison, Sloan and I would talk about anything and everything. When I told her about _why_ I was there and about my guilt and how everything was my fault, she told me that saying. And I guess the words just stayed with me. So, after a while, I had someone tattoo it to my back." She nods and kisses me before turning back to the show. My phone rings and I roll my eyes when I notice Mel's calling. I don't want to talk to her. Carly's phone rings and she just mutes it, snuggling closer to me. "Who's calling you?" I ask.

"Freddie," she mutters. My phone rings again and I look at the caller ID again, ignoring it. She grins up at me and I kiss her nose. "We'll be okay, won't we?" she asks. I nod and return to the show. This is nice, just the two of us lying here, disregarding our cell phones. Her hand found mine and she traced over my scabbed knuckles. When I'd hit the guy at the mall, it had busted my knuckles again and then this week I was pissed off at myself and punched a wall. I really need to work on my anger issues… "Sam, I don't think I could have a better girlfriend, to be honest. Sure, you're violent at times, even in defending what you believe, but you're always going to be my best friend, no matter what."

I grin and kiss her. And whatever comes at us, whatever hits we have to take, I'm never leaving this girl. I've learned that confessed faults are half-mended. The other half mends in time, through forgiveness and I've been forgiven by those I've hurt. Of course, that's not saying that I'm going to be perfect. Better to make mistakes than be flawless, right? I'll just try not to say things are my fault anymore.


End file.
